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Why good women fall for bad men
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Why good women fall for bad men 
Some women are trapped in the same unhealthy cycle their entires lives.He’s arrogant, rude, a rebel, and may quite possibly have a borderline personality disorder… But yet women fall head-over-heels for the bad guy.
It’s a common complaint among men in the dating world, and it is a phenomenon that still befuddles all of us. That is why The Star Online sought the help of Charis Wong, a marriage and family therapist, to explain why women fall for “bad men”.
“A lot of women get caught up in this cycle and they can remain in this cycle for the rest of their lives,” said Wong.
Wong says that women who fall for “bad men” often have unresolved issues that make them attracted to these individuals.
“In a normal situation, a woman would be attracted to someone who would make a potential life mate, and father to her future children,” explained Wong.
“However, there are some cases where women may have unresolved childhood issues, and have the tendency to fall for bad boys as a way to deal with these issues,” she said.
 Couple fight.
Wong says that women from dysfunctional families, whose father had affairs with other women, or women with father issues, who did not get much attention from their father, may also fall into the cycle of dating “bad men”.
A distant or emotionally detached man may be a relationship that is considered normal for the woman.
“It is an accustomed and familiar relationship, and when you’re familiar with something, it’s comfortable, and you will become unconsciously attracted to the same sort of man your mother was,” said Wong.
Wong said that low self-esteem is another reason women fall for “bad men”.
“This is when women don’t have a healthy image of themselves. They often do not think that they’re worthwhile to be with a “good guy”, so they settle for the “bad man”,” said Wong.
Wong said that many of these women put the man’s faults on themselves; blaming themselves for his bad behaviour.
“They will think that maybe he is ignoring me because I’m not good enough, so I need to be better,” explained Wong.
“Men who do what they like and rebel and who is not afraid to get into trouble, may seem attractive because they have that seemingly powerful aura. So by associating herself with that person, it makes her feel powerful by association,” she said.
“It almost becomes an obsession or love addiction,” said Wong.
 Woman being seduced.
“He becomes an obsession and the focus of your life. You feel like you have no other reason for living and that your role as his girlfriend defines you and that without him, you are nobody,” she adds.
“There will come a point when the “bad man” can’t deal with this, and leaves them. The woman will then move on to the next “bad man” that comes around,” she said.
She also adds that women who are attracted to “bad men” find “good guys” boring and non-attractive.
Wong says that if these women ever date a “good guy” they will end up feeling unsatisfied and bored.
“She will keep trying to sabotage the relationship to “test” him because she doesn't believe that the “good guy” wants her,” said Wong.
“She may even cheat on this “good guy” with a “bad man”, because they feel like the “good guy” will leave her anyway,” she adds.
Wong advices women who realize that they’re in this unhealthy cycle to seek help from a therapist.
“Once you’re aware that you have predisposition to go out with “bad men”. Ask yourself if you’re ready to break this cycle and visit unresolved childhood issues,” said Wong.
“You have to be ready to take that step, even though it may seem scary,” she added.
Last edited by ifanonline on 26-9-2013 04:31 PM
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artikel ni sangat menarik utk di kongsi...
punca sebenar kpd keretakan hubungan wanita dgn lelaki idaman adalah their childhood issues has not been resolved... |
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Wong says that women from dysfunctional families, whose father had affairs with other women, or women with father issues, who did not get much attention from their father, may also fall into the cycle of dating “bad men”.
nasihat kpd lelaki, apabila keluarga gf anda mempunyai masalah keluarga, u need to assess your relationship because it is highly likely the woman will be problems to you and your future family...
kena siasat background wanita sama dtg dari keluarga bermasalah, bapa berbini ramai, bapa dlm penjara, etc... |
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“This is when women don’t have a healthy image of themselves. They often do not think that they’re worthwhile to be with a “good guy”, so they settle for the “bad man”,” said Wong.
kebanyakan wanita mempunyai masalah self-esteem...majoriti of them...that explains why bilangan andartu bertambah...low self-esteem within the women community... |
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bad men knows how to dominate women...
while good men they tolerate... |
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beldandy posted on 26-9-2013 05:31 PM 
bad men knows how to dominate women...
while good men they tolerate...
yes..well said sis..
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Why being nice to women doesn't always work
By M.Farouk Radwan, MSc.
Psychology of falling in love
Should i be a nice guy?
I am sure you have been told more than once before that nice guys finish last when it comes to dating. In my previous article Why nice guys finish last i explained how the biological makeup of women, and of humans in general, prevent them from becoming attracted to needy people.
But what exactly happens inside the brain of a woman when she meets a nice guy?
How do her thoughts change?
And what forces her to make certain decisions about that person?
In order to be able to leave the perfect impression during first meetings you first need to understand how the human mind works.
Motivation and unexpected rewards
Tens of studies were carried out to find out how rewards motivate people to achieve more and it was found that when the reward becomes unexpected the person exerts the most effort.
Do you know why people keep gambling and losing their money?
Its because they don't know what the next move might bring them. Its because they keep dreaming of the big reward. Each time a person gambles he puts high hopes that he will achieve the goals he is dreaming of.
"What if i got 10,000 dollars in the next attempt". A thought such as this one keeps the person extremely hooked to what he is doing.
Now back to women, when you become nice you become extremely obvious. Your next step can be concluded before you even take it. When she says a joke you will certainly smile and laugh back. In other words, the reward is 100% expected and this was proven to lower the motivation of people to pursue you.
Am i really interesting?
When you meet a person for the first time he might start to wonder what you think of him even if he was really confident. Now if the person got that answer very quickly he will stop thinking about it and he will get bored.
In my previous article Why being mysterious works i explained how people keep thinking about the questions that they can't answer. If you don't know what people think of you then you are very likley to keep thinking about that matter and you are very likley to start approaching them.
In my book The ultimate guide to making someone fall in love with you i explained how you can attract a person once he becomes needy. As soon as a person starts seeking your approval to find out whether you liked him or not (even if he wasn't interested in you) then you can intensify his feelings 10 times more by becomming more mysterious.
Imagine you met an interesting woman , didn't fall in love with her, but wasn't sure if she found you interesting or not, what will you do? There is a big possibility that you will try to talk to her again to find out.
Now if she became more mysterious you might start thinking about her more and eventually program your mind to like her. After all a thought that keeps visiting your brain on daily basis might force you to become attached to someone even if you weren't initially interested in him. (see also How to attract someon who is not interested in you)
So what does all this has to do with being nice?
When you become nice you become obvious, you let people feel calm because of having no unanswered questions and as a result they lose interest and get bored of you. Last edited by Innrukia on 26-9-2013 09:36 PM
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limesherbet posted on 26-9-2013 10:13 PM
bad boys hanya untuk fun nothing serious.......
last2 akan pilih jugak the good boy to be the husb ...
for women, good husband is easy to control...sebab tu suka...
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beldandy posted on 26-9-2013 05:31 PM
bad men knows how to dominate women...
while good men they tolerate...
agreed to a certain extent...but still arguable...
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ifanonline posted on 27-9-2013 09:01 AM
agreed to a certain extent...but still arguable...
yup...
selalunya mereka hanya sedar mereka dah terjebak dgn bad boys bila keadaan sudah agak terlambat
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“She will keep trying to sabotage the relationship to “test” him because she doesn't believe that the “good guy” wants her,” said Wong.
“She may even cheat on this “good guy” with a “bad man”, because they feel like the “good guy” will leave her anyway,” she adds.
this is the most common mistake and the worst perception imbedded by a women to her own brain and beliefs...
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ifanonline posted on 27-9-2013 09:00 AM
for women, good husband is easy to control...sebab tu suka...
i suka good men yang suka dominate.. be in the driver's seat... good tak bermaksud the man is submissive
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This thread article actually ada related dgn 1 chapter buku Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil Make Up, Don't Break Up
Chapter 4 : Developmental stages and relationship patterns
PART I
Across a crowded room you will be attracted to a stranger because he seems familiar. The attraction is based on unconscious images of your parents, siblings, or even aunt & uncle. It can be a mustache, smile, color of his eyes, height or weight that trigger your attraction.
This image is what Dr. Hendrix calls IMAGO. It’s an unconscious composite of your parents’ positive & negative traits. When you meet your imago, your unconsciously sense an opportunity to ‘fix’ some of the ‘wrongs’ of your childhood. It’s the positive traits that make your knees weak, but the negative traits are actually more magnetic on an unconscious level. The chemistry that turns you on is reminiscent of your childhood whose love & affection you are still trying to recreate. Your unconscious mind says, “Here’s a man who can make all my troubles go away. He can make up for all the thing that went ‘wrong’ in my childhood & previous relationships and recapture what went right!”
Everything goes smooth until about several date which is when you begin to notice his negative traits. Your Imago’s negative traits are powerful triggers that bring back unpleasant memories from your childhood & set off a cascade of painful emotions. What initially attracted you begins to repel you. The image of your partner who is most attractive to you is buried deep within your unconscious mind. Your Imago has a dominant influence over the type of partner you seek, the way you relate to him & how happy you will be together. The relationship script you wrote as a child is based on both the Imago you created & the childhood wounds you suffered.
Many people break up becoz they think their partner should only display positive character traits & they don’t want to accept the negative traits. When I say we pick the one who gives us the most trouble, I mean that the love of our life is also our crucible – meaning a test @ trial that will challenge us. Your crucible will be the one who will push your most tender emotional buttons & force you to stretch your comfort zone & grow. That’s the way it supposed to work. Choosing the partner who gives you the most trouble is Mother Nature’s way of giving you a 2nd chance to go back & heal your early wounds from childhood. Your partner is your crucible becoz he brings you face to face with your old & often buried, heartaches. The partners who sometimes make us want to pull our hair out (or theirs) are actually the ones who teach us the most.
If your relationship history is filled with carbon copies of the same man in different packages, its because these men are precisely what you need most for your own development. They may not be ‘the ones’ you want to live happily ever after with but they are sure to be important stepping stones. Plus they give you a chance to practice the skills you’re learning, so you are more confident when the “love of your life” enters the picture.
According to Dr. Harville Hendrix, author of Getting the Love You Want, relationships are created & should be nurtured & maintained so we can “finish our childhood with our partner, instead of running from our partner.”
Certain needs must be met in each developmental stage of infancy & childhood. Needs that were not met – or that you perceived were not met – come out in frustration with your partner. Since your perception of the world as an infant & child was so narrow, the occasions when your parents didn’t understand @ meet your needs become exaggerated& imprinted in your mind. From these experiences you formulated an unconscious picture of a “perfect parent or attachment figure”. As an adult, you project this unrealistic image of your “perfect parent” on to your partner @ potential partner. Your hidden hope is that this partner will meet your earlier unmet & somehow magically “complete you”.
The trouble begins when you get angry with your partner @ date for having negative traits you associate with your parents & are trying to avoid. Ironically since the negative traits create a stronger attraction, if your partner didn’t have them, you wouldn’t have been drawn to him in the 1st place. Fritz Perls, founder of Gestalt Therapy, suggests we all have “unfinished business” with our parents becoz all of our needs were not met all of the time. He suggests this unfinished business becomes “frozen” at some point in our childhood, & begins to “thaw” in adulthood when we enter a relationship with someone who fits our Imago.
For example, Judy was attracted to one elusive man after another becoz her mother was overbearing & she was afraid of being smothered in a relationship. If you objectively look at your date or partner’s traits, you can easily see them in your parents.
Understanding these early stages of development & attachment gives you valuables clues for your past, present & future relationships. A greater understanding will give you more compassion for your parents, your partner & yourself. Reviewing the Developmental stages will help you realize that many of your “fantasies” about your relationships revolve around your unconscious desire to return to nivana – that early stage of life – beginning in the womb – when all of your needs were met. You may not want to admit it but everyone has a fantasy of being infant again. Hedonistic pleasure of getting what you want without having to give anything in return is hard to compete with. But once you understand your history you can learn the necessary steps for connecting, disconnecting, & reconnecting with your parents & your partners in ways that nurture rather than end relationships.
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beldandy posted on 27-9-2013 11:28 AM
yup...
selalunya mereka hanya sedar mereka dah terjebak dgn bad boys bila keadaan sudah agak terl ...
some are with the bad boys by choice..for fun, eventually bila nak find the one memang mreka plan untuk dump jugak the bad boy |
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limesherbet posted on 27-9-2013 12:22 PM
some are with the bad boys by choice..for fun, eventually bila nak find the one memang mreka plan ...
aaa...lagi satu aku lupa
women yg suka bad boy ni sebenarnya self esteem sgt tinggi
depa yakin depa boleh tundukkan bad boy tu...
nak test power la kira 
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Bad boy ni sebenarnya ketegori lelaki yang macam mana eh ? |
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MegiTomyam posted on 27-9-2013 11:09 PM
Bad boy ni sebenarnya ketegori lelaki yang macam mana eh ?
bad boy ni banyak kategori:
1. bad boy jahat
2. bad boy nakal
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bad boy selalu nampak lebih dominate, berani, fun, tegas, sukakan cabaran.
good boy terlalu tolerate sampai kadang tak tegas, selalu cepat mengalah, lemah hadapi cabaran, skima yang membuatkan kita bosan.
perempuan suka dipimpin bukan memimpin
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Bagi aku dlm dunia nie takde org yg hanya baik dan takde org yg hanya bad jer....kebaikan dan kejahatan ada dlm diri semua org...
Seorg yg baik mungkin dihatinyer ada niat jahat..org yg jahat mungkin hatinyer baik...
Ppuan yg baik, mungkinkah dlm dirinyer ada kejahatan yg kita tak ketahui maka dia dpt pasangan yg jahat luarannyer...mungkinkah pasangannyer itu cermin diri dia yg sebenar?
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Category: Cinta & Perhubungan
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Post time 26-9-2013 04:27 PM
变色卡
Author
Last edited by limesherbet on 26-9-2013 10:37 PM 
