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Cara Menerima Lelaki Sepenuhnya
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Hai semua, just nak tanya pendapat.
Im 28y/o lady. Masalah ni berkait dengan cinta. Sorry kalau tajuk ni membosankan tapi amat berharga untuk saya dengar pendapat korang. So macam ni,
I've been in love before. Many times. Tapi yang paling sedih two years back. Hubungan tak kesampaian dan kecewa hanya tuhan yang tahu bila rasa ditipu & dipermainkan. Lepas kecewa hubungan tak kesampaian bila target at the age of 26 nak settle down, saya lebihh fokus pada kerjaya & aktiviti masa lapang. Sampailah awal 2016 haritu, ada sorang lelaki sama umur confess yang dia sukakan saya & nak kenal lagi rapat & ajak kawin. He's a friend of my bestie. We all kenal masa sama sama main badminton which is our routine activities.
Ok, disebabkan hampir 2 tahun I'm all alone, semua buat sendiri,independent & tak fikir tentang serious relationship sangat membawa kepada perasaan yang keliru lepas this guy confessed. Kami tak pernah keluar berdua normally jumpa masa main badminton sahaja. But nowadays seem everyone is busy with their schedule and fasting month lg, dah lama kami tak jumpa.
Back to the situation, saya cuba untuk kenal dengan this guy. Cuba, walaupun hati ni susah nak terima lelaki lain dah. Ok, contoh yang membuatkan saya rasa rimas:
1) Kena share how's your life treating you (once a week)
2) He shows his care & concern - tapi saya rasa rimas sebab sebelum ni buat hal sendiri
3) Boleh ke develop perasaan cinta tu?
4) Cinta ke saya kepada dia? or lebih pada rasa lonely sebab bila dia tak text/call memang akan rasa rindu (busy keje/outstation). Sebab selalu memang this guy yang text/call dulu.
5) Adakah saya dah boleh terima this guy? Macam mana nak slow slow adapt dengan perasaan & all this thingy sebab dah lama hidup sendiri & kecewa sangat dengan ex boyfriend dulu.
Thanks guys. 
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Awak dah jatuh cinta pun kat dia, sebab itu buka topik ini bertanya. Masalahnya di sini, awak yg takde keyakinan nak teruskan hubungan atau tidak. Takut tak bebas buat aktiviti yg biasa buat ke?
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Ya kak sarah. Mungkin juga tak ade keyakinan diri, takut relationship ni tak kesampaian juga memandangkan 28y/o bukan masa main main lagi. Mungkin juga saya jenis yang overthinking due to my previous memories and what not. Tentang dah jatuh cinta tu pun confuse sebab betul ke dah jatuh cinta/janggal bila tak ade text/call from him.
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Kalau awak asyik takut tak kesampaian, maksudnya sampai mati lah awak tak akan kahwin/single.
When you don't try you will definitely fail 100%. Remember that every experience makes you wiser.
And to me, it seems like you're just lonely, you like receiving the attention, awak suka rasa dihargai, disukai dan diingini. But in love? Most probably not....yet.
Take it slow and steady, try to see what he's like when he's angry, pissed off, disappointed, unhappy at you, see how he behaves, and you can tell more accurately what kind of a guy he is then. Awal2 memang la nak update every week bagai.
Jangan termakan janji2 lagi2 kata2 manis lelaki senang sangat ye. |
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kalau betul dia serious, suruh dia masuk meminang..
dah kawin nanti baru bercinta..
if dia bagi reason kalau u suruh masuk meminang, then dia pun tak serius la tu.. |
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Suruh dia datang masuk meminang. Kalau dia serius, mesti dia setuju. Kalau dia banyak beri alasan, tinggalkan je la. Awak pun bg tau umur dah lewat, baik cari yang serius nak berumahtangga je.
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Sila save some % utk diri sndiri |
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Selidik latar belakang dia.kalau ok ckp je lat dia terus dtg meminang..bercinta lps kawen jela. Sblm apa2 solat istikharah dululah...kawen ni adalah perjudian dek....ko xtau menang ke kalah. Kalau xde dugaan bukan hidup namanya... |
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TT, ko pnya kes macam aku dedulu, takut komitmen..takut sakit lagi kan..firstly, kalau background check dia dah dibuat, so, ko target la..atleast 3 month kawan, another 3 month bercinta then 6month bertunang and so on..
Kalau beliau cuma nak berkawan aje, atau nak berdating aje..sampai tatau nak target, then ko la kena tentukan..
Tapi aku pegang satu je..when people love u, u love them back..If people shit u, then u know what to do..
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Edited by mbhcsf at 15-6-2016 07:49 AM
assalamualaikum,
how's your chemistry / compatibility with this guy? okay, no issues ? any problems? if no - well , just be honest with your feeling, and i presumed both of you are equally intelluent , and matured adults.
so i guess communication is the key here - because it saves all the troubles of thinking should I ? shan't i ? etc etc , kan?
so - kalau compatible, soleh, well behaved, and matured, smarts etc
then why dont you, as u have identified yourself (and i think u are) - as being an independent lady to just
state the obvious truth , highlighting the points to him that :
a) you have had undoubtedly painful - love relationship with your previous ex - and you somehow because of that painful love history , do not want to re- experience , going thru that painful torment again.
b) you then communicating the understanding that you are aware that he is paying his attention to you ( sebab you kata dia mula confused dan u pun tak nak keep him in the loop, kan? kesian gak kat dia yg tatau ape ape ni ) - by being the way he is - texting, communicating lah with you kira , kan?and you somehow , i could sense you have enjoyed that kind of connection ? yes? no ?
c) tapi u tak ready lagi nak let go or giving your 100 % emotional self into this matter because of that past trauma/ painful experience, - well understood . sebab kita takut dan kita berhati hati actually bukannya kita tak terima orang , kan? sebab pengalaman lepas tu buatkan kita belajar berhati hati - sebab kita tak nak lukakan hati dan diri dan juga si dia , dengan harapan yg tak ada.
d) i rasa the best way is to communicate - i rasa kalau two mature , smart adults yg menghormati perasaan memasing dan you sendiri boleh judge riak, geri perangai , personalitynya lebih dari we all you pepandailah kot approach this subject matter.
e) kalau nak kawan dulu see how it goes, macam forumner tu nyatakan dalam postingnya di atas - then be honest ; tapi i rasa kalau u jenis nak full commitment and you sound like you knw what you want and you jenis yg focus oriented ( i think) ajak menikah je lah because i know you ar e tired of investing 60-80% of your emotion, energy, time , effort , kan? kalau lelaki yg serious dan memang focused oriented dia akan buat accordingly. i think.
so pada i just tell / communicate in the way that he understands...
u sebenarnya bukan menolak cinta i think, tapi takut ngilu mendekati relationship because the pain it has caused in the past . you just beinga bit cautious, kan? nothing wrong with that - tapi kalau
sekufu, chemistry wise okay , he is soleh, smart etc etc - ajak nikah jelah.
i knowu macam sound tired nak facing all this 'uncharted path of relationship' tapi this is only my opinion , way i see it.
i wish you well , though.
pelan pelan and and i know you are a wise lady.
solat istikhorah is one of the way - doa tanya Allah luahkan - apa apa yg terbuku. ramadhan ni minta lah apa apa saja yg terbaik....
bukakan jalan...
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Yes, itulah apa yang kawan saya advise. Beranikan diri. Buka hati terima this guy. Berkawan. Keluar berdua tengok cara dia. Tapi diri ni masih tak dapat nak buka ruang untuk keluar berdua. Sekarang saya memang lebih selective dengan apa yang saya invest. Tak nak dah kecewa dan silap lagi.
Untuk tak mudah percaya kata kata manis lelaki tu, dah lama saya praktikkan 2 tahun lepas. Kadang dah jemu dengan ayat manis caring loving lelaki at the beginning of a relationship. Saya pernah terus terang dengan this guy, "I'm not into sweet words, be genuine". Then he replied "I am not pretending to be that way, I am proving I am serious with this relationship".
Then, we give it a break for a while lepas tu he starts back the conversation dengan saya. Lepas tu, saya lebih kepada reply menjaga hati. Kalau tak dapat terima relationship ni, saya anggap reply as a friend.
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Rasanya dia memang serious sebab pernah ajak kawin. Tapi saya berkeras tak percaya & ayat last sebelum kami stop sekejap this conversation for 2 weeks, he response "Why cant I be the one for you". I didnt give the answer. Only Allah knows macam mana kecewanya saya dengan ex boyfriend dulu.
Lepas ketegangan ni, baru this guy text balik & I pretend to act like nothing happened before. Everytime rasa dia cuba untuk lebih rapat, saya jauhkan sikit connection tu & sometimes I even dont know what I want.
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Tak tahu nak selidik macam mana kak. Takut yang ditanya bagi positif feedback. Realitinya tak macam tu. Nak kawan lebih rapat tu sometimes takut. Sepanjang berkawan ni pun, lelaki ni yang banyak mulakan soalan. Soalan tentang myself. Saya memang out of blue moon nak tanya tentang diri dia. Somehow, lelaki ni perasan yang saya tak ambil tahu langsung hal dia. Tapi saya let go je perasaan tu.
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This guy punya target memang into marriage. Tapi saya rasa tak yakin. Saya tak tahu apa yang dicari kadang kadang pun ada. Sometimes rasa suka, sometimes rasa 'apa yang aku buat ni?' Keliru.
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Yes, indeed. Sekarang saya lebih banyakkan berdoa. Tapi lelaki ni makin dekat. Baru baru ni, bateri kereta kong. He offered to help. Tapi saya tak nak terhutang budi dengan lelaki ni. Tak nak susahkan dia. We are not living nearby. It takes 45mins driving to arrive. I tried to fix the problem myself. Sebab selama ni segala susah payah, memang buat sendiri. I dont want sebab hal kecil macam ni, saya bergantung harap pada dia. Saya tahu, he knows that saya memang tak dapat terima dia. Sampaikan he replied, "Only strong hearted can handle this. I believe in you".
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Lelaki, kalau dia nak sesuatu, dia akan cakap la benda2 camtuh, so that you would trust him more. As a guy, I can already see the game he's trying to play. Kalau dia betol2 serious, kena duduk bincang let him discuss with your dad and dua2 belah bawak jumpa family masing2. Has he done all of this? No kan?, so take his words at face value. U dua pon baru kenal x sampai setahun, we all know the first year (like in marriage) is the honeymoon year, semua nampak elok, cantik, baik.
But to his defense, u pon jgn jual mahal sangat, don't push him away too far, nanti ko dah terjatuh cinta, dia pulak rasa macam cinta x dibalas, dia akan start to distance himself and won't be able to find his way back, nanti meroyan pulak.
Do you mind telling us the story of what happened to your ex? I'm curious.
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After we broke up, he officially in love with my friend selepas semua diketahui but now, their relationship was out of nowhere. I dont mind either. Semoga semua dapat bahagia. Tak mau fikir. Let bygones be bygones.
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officially in love with you friend pulak dah?? frikle minded nya mamat ni?? or suka nk try then tangkap muat??
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i think u ada fear of commitment.. sbb fobia takut jatuh cinta lepas tu dilukakan.. tapi pada masa yg sama u berminat juga dgn dia..
u mcm iols several years ago... suka tapi jual mahal. cumanya ai mmg tak pernah bercinta tapi selalu tgk kawan2 putus cinta.. so jadi takut.
bila u tolak offer dia utk tolong.. itu dah friendzone dia. ai pun selalu buat mcm tu. mcm main tarik tali pun ada. kejap mcm berminat. lpas tu ai takutkan diri sendiri n mula menjauh.
hujung thn last year he confessed to me yg dia sgt terasa dgn iols. n mcm biasa iols tukar topic.
awal tahun ni masing2 dah jumpa someone.. tipulah kalau ai kata takde lgsg perasan pada dia. tp hes just too perfect smpi ai rasa intimidated.
so nasihat ai.. just go with the flow je. teach diri u utk belajar menerima seseorang. bila u mula rasa rindu tu ai rasa u mcm dh mula jatuh hati pada dia.
pasal nak adapt tu. iols yg tak pernah bercinta ni pun easily je adapt. very easy bila u mula bukakan hati u. ai pn tak tahu knp dulu mcm susah sgt. |
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ai rasa tt tgh ckp pasal ex bf.. ke iols yg salah faham?
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Category: Cinta & Perhubungan
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Post time 14-6-2016 10:39 AM
变色卡
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