An Extra-marital relationship

ariyamusafir

Well, the article below is in Q & A form taken from a Buddhist website.

http://www.beyondthenet.net/thedway/thd_main.asp

Question

A question received by Beyond the Net, answered by Major General Ananda Weerasekera

I am happily married having a harmonious relationship with my husband. However, I am involved in an extra-marital relationship with my good friend who is a bachelor and a divorcee. My overwhelming compassion for my friend who is having a difficult time in life makes it impossible for me to leave him at this point of time and his peculiarities makes it difficult for him to find another partner. Am I committing adultery in terms of Buddhism? Further, please explain whether bigamy, polygamy etc. are acceptable within the Buddhist principles.

The layman is expected to abide by the five precepts, the minimum level of Sila (morality) or restraint expected to be practiced by a Buddhist.

In terms of the five precepts, there are no restrictions to marrying and raising a family. However, a layman or lay women on the five precepts takes as his or her "voluntary oath", I shall abstain from "sexual misconduct". This is the third of the five precepts. It should be noted that what is taboo in terms of the third precept is sexual "misconduct" as against indulgence in sex.

Answer
[quote]A careful analysis of this precept reveals that like all other precepts laid down by the Buddha, this too was meant to prevent friction and disharmony within the family and to ensure social harmony which in turn would prevent internal conflict and would ultimately facilitate mental development leading towards the ultimate goal, the supreme bliss of Nibbana.

"Sexual misconduct" is defined by the Buddha as follows:

A man indulging in sexual intercourse with a women who is under the protection of -

a husband
a mother, father, brother, sister or other rightfully entitled guardian
the laws of the land or by convention
Accordingly, a married women having a sexual relationship with a man who is not her husband would undoubtedly lead to the women and the man both committing a breach of the third precept irrespective of the fact that the man is a bachelor or a divorcee.

The word "protection" of a husband could be extended to go beyond today抯 formal marriage and accommodates a relationship between man and woman established by habit and repute and would include a women who is recognised to be a consort of a man (a women who lives with a man or who is kept by a man). Reference to the women under the protection of a guardian precludes elopement or secret marriages without the knowledge of the guardian. The women protected by convention and by the laws of the land are women who are forbidden by social convention such as close relatives (i.e. sexual activity between sisters and brothers or between same sex), women under a vow of celibacy (i.e. nuns) and under-aged children etc.

The third precept from a ethical stand point seeks to protect a marital relationship from interference and disruption or to promote mutual trust and fidelity between husband and wife.

The third precept when carefully analysed seems to be directly linked to a "support system" of a woman. A protected woman is dependent for her support whether moral or material and/or for maintenance on her husband, guardian or the protector. The third precept seems to safeguard this support system, thus ensuring her safety or protection. This is more evident from the fact that during the time of the Buddha, the king despite having a harem of women was often the chief lay supporter of the Buddha and a devoted Buddhist. Some kings are reported even to have reached the fruits of the Path such as stream-entry.

In today抯 context, bigamy is a criminal offence. Bigamy in essence is marrying while being married to another. To the extent of the said definition of the third precept, a man marrying another while already married as long as there is no deception about the fact that he is a married man does not lead to a breach of the third precept provided the woman of the later marriage does not belong to the protected categories.

You could apply the same principle to polygamy. The practice of having more than one wife or husband. Whilst a man may have more than one woman provided they are not "protected women" in the above sense the third precept precludes a women who is already protected by a husband having more than one man.

From the above explanation, it should be very clear to you that under the said circumstances you are committing a breach of the third precept.

"Health is the highest profit
Contentment the highest of riches
The trustworthy are the highest of kinsmen
Nibbana the highest happiness"

- Dhammapada -

In the above stanza, the Buddha emphasises the value of 憈rust

Sephiroth

Sad ... I have seen many youngsters nowadays like don't care deeply for their loved ones, and some even base their relationship on sexual desires and nothing more.

I have seen more youngsters break out as easily as they come together nowadays than I have seen 30 years ago. Sigh ... youngsters do not appreciate Love.

How about you, Ariya? Any Loved one in your midst? :cak:

There's a saying in Thailand - To be Loved is A Blessing.

ariyamusafir

Well, I have my parents, grand-parents, siblings and my gf and her parents and family. Well, I told my gf that if our relationship fail, I will have no other woman (marriage) patner type in my life anymore. You??? Whatever it is, I wish you happiness and prosperity. All the best to you.

Got to go on urgent note. Otherwise will miss train liao. Going london today.

Well, I told my gf that if our relationship fail, I will have no other woman (marriage) patner type in my life anymore. You???



Karut sama sekali,.
Kalau putus cinta pun sebab apa,,,sebab tak sama pendapat ataupun kelakuan yg berbeza. Is better 4 u to find the other partner again where u know which one is more better than ur ex.

Sephiroth

by ariyamusafir (Jeneral Tan)
       
Well, I have my parents, grand-parents, siblings and my gf and her parents and family. Well, I told my gf that if our relationship fail, I will have no other woman (marriage) patner type in my life anymore. You??? Whatever it is, I wish you happiness and prosperity. All the best to you.

Nope ... no one special. People say I'm very choosy (cerewat) in picking a partner. Maybe I'm choosy. :stp:

Right now, my life revolves around my mother and she is old. After her, I guess I will spend the rest of it travelling and studying about the world, God and Religions like what I'm doing now - God willing. I always said a Warrior's Death is by two ways alone - in Battle and in Service to God. That's the path I choose.

OR maybe my "partner" is not here yet ... maybe we didn't meet yet. Who knows.


by cclee

Karut sama sekali,.
Kalau putus cinta pun sebab apa,,,sebab tak sama pendapat ataupun kelakuan yg berbeza. Is better 4 u to find the other partner again where u know which one is more better than ur ex.

Persoalan sekarang adalah ... adakah kamu kenal sifat diri mu sendiri? Adakah logik mencari kebahagian dr orang lain (utk menbahagiakan anda) sekiranya anda sendiri tak kenal diri sendiri? Kalau kenal pun, tak bermakna orang lain akan memahaminya dan menbahagiakan anda. Kalau mereka sanggup pun, bukan bermakna ianya akan kekal kerana anda menbebankan orang lain dgn keinginan anda.

ariyamusafir

Originally posted by cclee at 20-8-2005 01:53 PM
Well, I told my gf that if our relationship fail, I will have no other woman (marriage) patner type in my life anymore. You???



Karut sama sekali,.
Kalau putus cinta pun sebab apa,,, ...

aku cakap aku lah..... That is what I want. I am not talking about others.

ariyamusafir

Originally posted by Sephiroth at 22-8-2005 07:57 AM
by ariyamusafir (Jeneral Tan)
       
Well, I have my parents, grand-parents, siblings and my gf and her parents and family. Well, I told my gf that if our relationship fail, I will have no other w ...

Wish you all the best in your life. Same as to cclee too.

Sephiroth

by ariyamusafir (Jeneral Tan)

Wish you all the best in your life. Same as to cclee too.

Thanks.

Otherwise will miss train liao. Going london today
Going to London by train?

Be adviced, don't run when the Bobby's calling at you. :lol

ariyamusafir

Originally posted by Adm_Cheng_Ho at 23-8-2005 08:06 AM
Otherwise will miss train liao. Going london today
Going to London by train?

Be adviced, don't run when the Bobby's calling at you. :lol

No worry, police ambik gambar dgn ku before