It may seem harmless, but this four-letter word is actually doing a lot of damage.
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Take a moment to imagine yourself in the lowest mental state you could possibly be. Removing yourself from your bedsheets to move your body feels about as excruciating as climbing Mount Everest barefoot. Or maybe out of nowhere your heart starts thumping so fast that your breath hitches in your throat and your lungs can’t get air. Now picture your well-meaning friend trying to offer you some advice during this time, and saying something along the lines of “Why don’t you just work out?” or “Just take a few deep breaths and calm down.” That four-letter word may seem harmless, but it actually can do a lot of damage. “Just” implies that whatever task or behavior ― say, exercising or relaxing ― you’re suggesting is easy or uncomplicated. In reality, it’s anything but, according to experts.
“For many people with anxiety and depressive disorders, everyday tasks that seem 'simple' to others can be very challenging.”
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All of this isn’t to say that you should never offer advice; in fact, your support is vital. There are just some better ways to phrase it. Below are some expert-backed suggestions on how to frame your words instead:
- I care about you
- I know this is probably difficult, but what about....
- What I can do to help?
- I really love _______about you.
- There's nothing wrong with getting treatment.
Above all, it’s important to keep in mind how tough mental health conditions are when you’re interacting with a loved one who’s experiencing one. When you have depression, getting out of bed and working out seems insurmountable. When you’re in the throes of anxiety, calming your mind and slowing heart rate on the spot seems impossible. You either feel like you’re going to die or you feel absolutely nothing at all.
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