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thanks greentea. bnyk bnde baru belajar
bile bace dkt sini sbnrnye banyak issue perkahwinan ni
mcm me myself, i’m in phase yg i tak happy n i’m trying myself nk keluar dari permasalahan tu. the root course yg i nampak dkt sini adelah sbb masalah komunikasi. i cant have a good talk and discussion towards my partner sbb endup dia akan salahkan i, and we keep blaming each other.
sampai satu tahap dah taktau nk buat mcm mane and i start to avoid it and pretend mcm xde ape tp deep inside i tau, selagi xsettle, i’m not gonna be happy |
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i copy paste my response dalam thread sexless marriage, sbb i rasa mcm sama permasalahan dia...
I used to live in sexless marriage for 12 yrs.. kot during pjj munasabah la x dpt sex, nak orgasm jauhhhhhhhh skali... dalam salah satu kisah dalam thread tu is actually my past marriage punya story.. duduk serumah pun pernah je sampai 6 bulan x disentuh... murung tau.. x tahu apa salah.... i gi gym kot punca i gundu dia jadi benci dan geli kat iols.... takpe lah kisah lama, i dah make decision to get out from it, kami dah berdamai pun even we chart different path... i dah takde berdendam pun, insyaAllah...
Takes me laamaaaa sgt utk berani keluar dari previous marriage.. i sebenarnya tunggu anak i lepas tempoh menyusu badan umur 3 tahun.... then baru i berani nak file divorce... itu pun lepas i kena boikot selama 5 tahun dgn family ex.. dah tak tahan kemurungan masa tu.... kalo sexless saja, i mampu telan bertahan, tp bila family dia pun hauk suka maki2 boikot i.. kesabaran tu ada limit lah... sometimes bila teringat, dendam tu ada.. tp i cuba laa lupakan sakit hati pada exSILs and exMIL tu...
Moving on, mula2 i serik nak kawen, plan nak duduk berdua je dgn anak i,.. tapi kawan2 i & my family pujuk i kawen baru, tambah plak diorang dpt tahu ex i dah kawen lain just few weeks lepas i bercerai... so okay la i bukak laa hati i utk kawen, maybe masih ada je lelaki yang baik utk i... tp i tanak BBNU, umur i plak dah lanjut past 35 pun so apa je options yang i ada... i mmg niat nak nikah dgn lelaki yg sayang and ada lust pada i... i want proper sex yang cukup... yang i boleh orgasm... tak perlu kaya raya pun.. asalkan cukup laaa provide tempat tinggal... makan tu kot tak mampu mewah kat restoran2 mewah, i dont mind cooking everyday, in which ini mmg i buat pun sekarang...
I hope u find your happiness.. kdg2 dah lama kawen the spark tu hilang... cuba lah spice up your life bleh ada some forumer share tips dalam thread ni page belakang2... kalo u nak have separate ways, i hope you're strong... dan tak gopoh gapah cari pengganti
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we are living seperately skrg sbb dia dh decide utk balik kampung n try buat bisnes dkt sane
so skrg i dgn anak dkt kl tp luckily i'm staying with my family
ikotkan hati mmg rase nk separate je sbb entahla..xde beza kot non functional family mcm ni. sorg sane sorg sini n yet xde mutual understanding
nafkah smua so far ok n mungkin akan ade yg ckp iols xbersyukur
tapi tu la.. i pon kompius.. i ke yg tak sabar sngt? or terlalu -ve
in laws sngtlah xmembantu. i dunno whyla mmg xboleh msuk sngt dgn mil
dia xde buat ape tp dia xbuat ape tu yg i rase mcm xnormal. haaa..susah kan nk paham
i makan hati sbb my hubs too protective dgn family dia smpaikan tahap i org luar n i xde hak ape2. ok paham, tp yg smpai nk kene menipu lagi2 psl duit2 dah kenapa kan
so bnda2 tu yg build up rasa xsenang i dgn in laws. bnyk sngt hiding2 ni. ape motif pon xtau
so bile husb i buat smthing related dgn family dia, i akan memberontak dlm diam. i akan start cari pasal kaitkan bnde2 yg xde kene mengene n nnti husb i clueless kenapa i nk put on tantrum. tp my side plak, i xboleh nk berterus terang sbbnya dia akan snapped terus bila i sebut je perkataan family dia.
complicated kan?
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Author |
Post time 18-2-2021 05:30 PM
From the mobile phone
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meah_kelabu replied at 18-2-2021 04:52 PM
we are living seperately skrg sbb dia dh decide utk balik kampung n try buat bisnes dkt sane
so s ...
Yes complicated, kalo iols choose separate ways dah.. cuma u kena tengok la kalo divorce apa implikasi dia.. byk nak kena sort dalam divorce ni... kena ada clean divorce sbb tanak expose yiur future dengan sebarang tuntutan later on, especially bab harta sepencarian etc... kena ada sign off both pihak lepas reach agreement..
I dulu senang nak buat decision, sbb in laws i yg paksa bercerai... ikutkan hati rasa nak parang je mulut diorang.. tp siapa mereka utk jatuhkan i.. so i ceraikan laki i through hakam |
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I rasa i faham je perasaan you. Masalah i pon kompleks. Kompleks sebab luaran nampak normal, ok happy. Tapi dalaman still ada unsettled issues.
I banyak kali berselisih faham yang mana end up, bila ok, memang akan ada sesi pujuk memujuk, tapi bila benda tu berulang, i rasa tawar hati sangat2. Tapi bila dah berbaik (sekarang), i cuba untuk positif thinking, maybe akan ok. Skarang ni takde bergaduh atau isu pon, cumanya, dalam hati ni tengok suami takde perasaan cinta. Macam you cakaplah, i rasa i ni tak bersyukur ke dapat suami camni.. dari segi nafkah zahir takde masalah walaupon ada je time dia berkira. sebab bila nak sit down bincang, dia taknak dengar. Lepas tu marah dan dingin.. Hurm..
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ye. sayang. tp sayang tu apa? kdang2 bila asik bergaduh baik bergaduh baik ni at one point akan terfikir, ape sebenarnya yang aku cari dalam perkahwinan ni. kenapa aku masih bertahan? anak, sayang atau kesian?
sebab hati ni dh tak de perasaan
circle tu tak akan berakhir
skrg ni i tgh ade issue dgn husband. puncanya sbb i nk ajak berbincang tapi as predicted la, sebut je perkataan keramat tu booommmm belom apa2 dh meletup.
so i said to myself, ok fine. i dah xnak jaga hati sape2 skrg. biar je la masa yang tentukan
baik i focus on myself, sibukkan diri dengan bende lain, reward myself dgn makanan ke ape, n i ade je source of happiness yang lain. i got my nieces, cousins yg boleh ceriakan my life n my son.
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green~tea replied at 16-2-2021 08:49 PM
Ladies.. what did you do for self reward?
Mcm iols, beli handbag.. tak minat beli jam
setakat ni iols xde istilah self reward.huhu
iols jenis jarangg soping tp kalau iols soping mmg soping betul2 la
tp itu mungkin terjadi dalam 2 tahun sekali ke..
buat masa skg i enjoy simpan duit dulu utk reach certain amount yg i target
hopefully lepas covid boleh travel |
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Author |
Post time 20-2-2021 11:42 PM
From the mobile phone
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meah_kelabu replied at 19-2-2021 08:50 AM
ye. sayang. tp sayang tu apa? kdang2 bila asik bergaduh baik bergaduh baik ni at one point akan te ...
Sometimes kita bertahan sbb dah malas nak start something new.. kalo takat salah satu tanggungjawab tak fulfilled, contoh, takde nafkah batin, tp zahir ok... kita wanita boleh je pejam mata and bertahan... tp kalo dalam perkahwinan tu dah takde apa yg boleh dipegang.. nafkah zahir batin dinafikan... family buat hal.. mmg last2 kita yg depress sendiri2... sbb itu pilihan kita.. nak meluah kat bff pun sampai bjla.. lama2 dirog pun menyampah duk asik dengar benda sama tp no improvement...
So choose wisely.. and once ada keputusan apa2.. be strong... |
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meah_kelabu replied at 18-2-2021 04:52 PM
we are living seperately skrg sbb dia dh decide utk balik kampung n try buat bisnes dkt sane
so s ...
I baca pun dah rasa complicatednya. I doakan you dapat keluar dari masalah ini semua.. |
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green~tea replied at 16-2-2021 08:49 PM
Ladies.. what did you do for self reward?
Mcm iols, beli handbag.. tak minat beli jam
When u asked about this..i start to think ape yg i reward for myself??
Selalunya mcm kebanyakkan wanita lain.mekap..baju..emas...mmmm..p makan sedap sedap.. |
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Author |
Post time 21-2-2021 08:59 AM
From the mobile phone
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Edited by green~tea at 21-2-2021 09:03 AM
hidet replied at 21-2-2021 12:52 AM
When u asked about this..i start to think ape yg i reward for myself??
Selalunya mcm kebanyakkan ...
I pun duk discuss dengan husband about self reward...
He said the ideal case would be beli one big item that you can afford, mcm equivalent amount of sebulan or half sebulan gaji u.. something slightly expensive that u dont usually buy... tp the amount tak boleh menyusahkan hidup u... and further destroy your financial...
Sebagai contoh.. if we can afford 30-40k a year utk self reward... should i buy a continental car with equivalent installment of 30-40k a year, atau we can splurge that same amount of money every year utk handbag..
Pros for the car, it can bring you everywhere.
Cons : maintenance cost, conti cars usually pakai run flat tyres kalo rim 18 inci, kita kena fork out 20k utk tukar all 4 tyres, depreciation value terlampau tinggi.. it can be your financial destroyer
Pros for handbag, some handbag appreciates in value, typicall hermes and chanel
Cons : setakat kelek kat tangan je la buat isi barang2 and nampak hado hado bila berjalan, lambang status.. tp kalo i, malu la juga nak kelek birkin bawak perodua axia..
So choose, tepuk dada tanya hati... mana lebih melapangkan hati? Pelbagai options kita ada, atas tu i kasi contoh je how kita nak pertimbangkan... suits our creativity and iterations lah kan
My personal view, kalo i nak bercontinental car, i must first run my business succesfully, and beli keta atas nama company so that all the expenses boleh tax exempted under operating cost of the co |
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green~tea replied at 21-2-2021 08:59 AM
I pun duk discuss dengan husband about self reward...
He said the ideal case would be beli o ...
Oooo..selalunya reward I takla besar besar..bersesuaian la dengan budget.tapi sometimes mcm dah jadi kerap pulak..like baju mekap semua tu..so its not really reward rase nye..hihi |
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Author |
Post time 21-2-2021 09:40 AM
From the mobile phone
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Edited by green~tea at 21-2-2021 09:43 AM
hidet replied at 21-2-2021 09:35 AM
Oooo..selalunya reward I takla besar besar..bersesuaian la dengan budget.tapi sometimes mcm dah ja ...
Itu laa i sendiri confused what is the real definition of self reward.. maybe kalo suka kecik2 boleh kerap2 sikit reward kan, mcm perfume etc..
Travelling also can be a self reward.... i suka travel juga, tp now dah lamaa sgt terperuk... |
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green~tea replied at 21-2-2021 09:40 AM
Itu laa i sendiri confused what is the real definition of self reward.. maybe kalo suka kecik2 b ...
One question .reward tu adakah from duit bulanan gaji yg kita put aside for reward purpose or tarik from saving? |
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Author |
Post time 21-2-2021 11:50 AM
From the mobile phone
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Edited by green~tea at 21-2-2021 11:54 AM
hidet replied at 21-2-2021 11:21 AM
One question .reward tu adakah from duit bulanan gaji yg kita put aside for reward purpose or tari ...
Some people taruk dalam tabung reward... sbb takmo campur aduk dgn savings lain... boleh create i-akaun dalam maybank 0 fees je, supaya senang tak terbelanja...
as for me.. i taruk dalam asb3 sbb nak beranakkan dividen.. asb3 takde limit savings, tp dividen dia lebih rendah dari asb1 dan asb2, tp asb3 still bagus sbb mampu kasi dividen yg lg tinggi dari inflation rate & fixed deposit (~ 4% annual dividen, FD now 2%, inflation rate 2%)... so kalo nak reward i keluarkan dari sini je lah, senag je nak keluarkan, just book appointment dengan your officer in charge, then withdraw je la amount yg nak pakai.. tu pun i try not to exceed my 10% annual salary... |
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green~tea replied at 16-2-2021 08:49 PM
Ladies.. what did you do for self reward?
Mcm iols, beli handbag.. tak minat beli jam
I beli jewellery
Handbag brand apa chuols suka? |
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green~tea replied at 16-2-2021 10:03 PM
Bila u nak sambung study? Dalam bidang apa? I duk berangan nak sambung MBA lepas retire ni.. urgh. ...
Wow MBA go green go!
u plan retire awal ya? |
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Author |
Post time 23-2-2021 05:20 PM
From the mobile phone
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Heydidle replied at 23-2-2021 01:57 PM
I beli jewellery
Handbag brand apa chuols suka?
Handbags semua brand hahahahahaha... tamak!!!! Tp i mmg limit beli handbag sebiji setahun sahaja |
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Topik best2 ja kalau akak green buka ni. Ok nak save link nati baca |
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Nak tanya kat tt and forumers. Kalau ada problem darkspot dengan large pores, nak tackle mane satu dulu? Sebab product whitening ni selalu separate kan. |
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Category: Wanita & Lelaki
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Post time 17-2-2021 11:29 PM
