Hawk's Corner - Jokes and Romantic Stories n Quotations

TheHawk

Originally posted by kecubung at 20-6-2007 09:08 AM

mun rah tani, awu ..........mun paham bisai

Awu kalau arah kitani, byk kali yg accident hehehe!

TheHawk

Originally posted by kecubung at 21-6-2007 04:17 PM
A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot..

There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.

"Why so little," she asked the pet store owner. ...

Atu ya nah! Kedapatan tia!

TheHawk

TheHawk

TheHawk

TheHawk

kecubung

kecubung

Jeff Green is a 32 year old American, in Arizona , whose wife passed away.

Due to the grief he suffered at her death, he did something totally out of character for a normal and sane person.   

He said, "I could no longer take the pain that my wife's death caused me and so I brought her back home."

His wife, Lucy, was born with a heart condition that cut her life short at the young age of 29. Lucy's last words to Jeff were, "We will meet again in heaven.", but these words were of no consolation in Jeff's despair.   

At the funeral, in an act of desperation, Jeff decided that he would not let Lucy leave him.

"I called the cemetery caretaker and explained my feelings." he said later, "I spoke with the authorities and got special permission to take my wife home with me.  They thought it strange, but I was allowed to take her with me.  I'd rather have her at home than six feet under ground.  Lucy had a great sense of humour and I'm sure she would appreciate being my coffee table."
Jeff ordered a special hermetically sealed glass case that eliminates the decomposition of a dead body.  "It cost me about $6,000.00, but it was worth it."

Some of his friends and relatives, filled with fear, stopped visiting him, but his true friends respected his decision and continue coming over.

Some even comment that it makes a nice piece of furniture.

kecubung

" Cik Ramlee, huruf apakah huruf ini ? Dia atas tanah, ada ekor, dan ada satu mata di tengah tengah "

" Matanya ada satu saja ya cikgu ? Ada ekor ? Atas tanah ? Huruf mambang tanah ! "

" Mambang tanah !? Hahhahhahhahahha ..... "

" Yang ini bukan mambang tanah Cik Ramlee, ini huruf Jim ! "

" Jin ? Eh .. jin dengan mambang kan tak jauh "

" Jin dengan mambang !? Hahhahhahhahahha ..... "

" Dah ! Aaa .. Cik Ajis, huruf apakah huruf ini, huruf ini sama dengan huruf jim, tapi tak ada matanya saja. "

" Oooo .. dia tak ada mata ? Sama sama jin ? Ooo .. jin mata buta la cikgu. "

" Mata buta !? Hahhahhahhahahha ..... "

" Yang ini bukan jin mata buta Cik Ajis ... Yang ini huruf Ha ! Aa.. sekarang Cik Sudin pulak .. "

" Saya, cikgu "

" Aa.. kenal tak dengan huruf ini ? "

" Saya kenal cikgu "

" Huruf ini sama dengan huruf Jim, huruf Jim matanya di tengah-tengah tetapi huruf ini matanya di atas. "

" Aa.. Jim ini matanya di tengah-tengah, Jim ini mata di atas cikgu... Jin pakai tonceng ! "

" Tonceng?! Hahhahhahhahahha ..... "

" Pak Abu tu ketawa terlalu banyak sangat "

" Cikgu ... "

" Aa.. cepat, sekarang Pak Abu pulak. "

" Yang mana ? "

" Yang ini ... "

" Oh, ni saya kenal, saya tahu ni.. huruf ini kan huruf - M "

" Itulah jangan suka ketawakan orang. Yang ini bukan huruf M, yang ini huruf Kha ! "

" Huruf Khaaa ? "

TheHawk

Malaysian Astronauts


Dr. M was about to send the first Malaysian rocket into space.

3 potential astronauts were called for an interview - one Indian, one Malay and one Chinese.

Dr. M interviews the Indian first: "So, Muthu, this is a dangerous mission... how much do you think you should be paid for it?"

Muthu thinks to himself and says, "1 million ringgit."
"Why so much?" asks Dr. M.
"Nowadays toddy wery expensive, Datuk..." replies Muthu.
"I see," said Dr. M. "Thank you... please ask the Malay guy to come here."


So the Malay walks up, and is asked the same question.
"Uh... 2 million boleh lah," replies the Malay applicant.
"2 million? That's a lot of money! Even the aneh before you only asked for one million!"
"You see, Datuk," explained Mat. "I have 4 wives and 15 children...so, 20 of us in the family, we need a lot of money to support ourselves..."
"I see," said Dr. M. "Okay, can you ask the Chinese guy to come up here now?"

The Chinese guy comes in and Dr. M asks, "Ah Chong, this is a dangerous mission... how much do you think you should be paid?"
Ah Chong thinks for a while, and suddenly says, "3 million."
Mahathir is shocked. "WHAT?!?! 3 million? Why so much?!"
Ah Chong beckons Dr. M to come closer, and whispers, "One million you keep, one million I keep, and then one more million to send the aneh into space."

chinese mind huh?????

TheHawk

Saxophone

The man came home drunk at four in the morning, and his wife was all over him, yelling at him, crying because she thought he was with another woman.

"No, honey, I swear, I was at this bar, and it was so fancy that even the urinals were made of gold."

She said she didn't believe him so she called the bar. "Hello," she said, "I just want to ask one question. My husband claims to have spent the night at your bar and I have one question; are your urinals covered in gold?"

To which she heard the bartender say, "Hey, Clarence, I think we found the guy who pissed in your saxophone."

TheHawk

Spielberg

Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, 揧ou Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here.

TheHawk

Condom

A young man goes into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist "Hello, could
you give me condom. My girlfriend has invited me for dinner and I
think she is expecting something from me!"

The pharmacist gives him the condom; and as the young man is going
out, he returns and tells him: "Give me another condom because my
girlfriend's sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in
a provocative manner when she sees me and I think she expects
something from me too."

The pharmacist gives him a second condom; and as the boy is leaving
he turns back and says: After all, give me one more condom because my
girlfriend's mom is still pretty cute and when she sees me she always
makes allusions...and since she invited me for dinner, I think she is
expecting something from me!!

During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his
left, the sister on his right and the mom facing him. When the dad
gets there, the boy lowers his head and starts praying: "Dear
Lord,bless this dinner...thank you for all you give us...!!!"

A minute later the boy is still praying: "Thank you Lord for your
kindness..."

Ten minutes go on and the boy is still praying, keeping his head
down. The others look at each other surprised and his girlfriend even
more than the others. She gets close to the boy and tells him in his
ear: "I didn't know you were so religious!!!"

The boy replies:"I didn't know your dad was the pharmacist!!!"

TheHawk

Brotherly Love

I was born in a secluded village of a mountain. Days by days my parents ploughed the yellow dry soil with their backs facing the sky.
I have a younger brother, 3 years younger than me. Once, to buy a handkerchief which all girls around me seemed to have, I stole 50 cents from my father's drawer. Father knew about it right away.
He made my younger brother and me kneeled against the wall, with a bamboo stick in his hand. "Who stole the money?" he asked. I was stunned, too afraid to talk. Father didn't hear any of us admit, so he said, "Fine, if nobody wants to admit, you two should be beaten!" He lifted up the bamboo stick. Suddenly, my younger brother gripped father's hand and said," Dad, I was the one who did it!" The long stick smacked on my brother's back repeatedly. Father was so angry that he kept on whipping my brother until he lost his breath.
After that, he sat down on our stone bed and scolded my brother, "You have learnt to steal from your own house now, what other embarrassing things you will do in the future?? You should be beaten to death! You shameless thief!" That night, mother and I hugged my brother. His body full of injuries, but he didn't shed a single tear. In the middle of the night, all of sudden I cried out loudly. My brother covered my mouth with his little hand and said, " Sis, now don't cry anymore. Everything has happened." I still hate myself for didn't have enough courage to admit what I had done. Years gone by, but the incident still looked like it just happened yesterday. I will never forget my brother's expression when he protected me.
That year, my brother was 8 years old; I was 11 years old. When my brother was in his last year of his lower secondary school, he was accepted in an upper secondary school in the central. At the same time, I was accepted into a province's university. That night, father squatted in the yard, smoking, packet by packet. I could hear him said, "Both our children have good results? very good results?" Mother wiped off her tears and sighed," What is the use? How can we possibly finance both of them?" At that time, my brother walked out, he stood in front of father and said,"Dad, I don't want to continue my study anymore, I have read enough books." Father swung his hand and slapped brother on his face. "Why do you have a spirit so damn weak? Even if it means I have to beg for money on the streets, I will send you two to school until you both finish your study!" And then, he started to knock on every house in the village to borrow money. I stuck out my hand as soft as I can to my brother's swollen face, and said, "A boy has to continue his study; If not, he will not be able to leave this depths of poverty." Me, on the other hand, had decided not to further my study to university. Who knows on the next day, before dawn, my brother left the house with a few pieces of worn-out clothes
and a few dry beans. He sneaked to the side of my bed and left a note on my pillow; "Sis, get into an university is not easy. I will go find a job and send money to you." I held the note while sitting on my bed, and cried until I lost my voice.
That year, my brother was 17 years old; I was 20 years old. With the money father borrowed from the whole village, and money my brother earned from carrying cement on his back at construction site,finally, I managed to get to the third year of my study in the university.
One day, I was studying in my room, when my roommate came in and told me,"There's a villager wait for you outside!" Why is there a villager looking for me? I walked out, and saw my brother from afar, His whole body is dirty, covered by dust, cement and sands. I asked him, "Why don't you tell my roommate that you are my brother?" He replied with a smile," Look at my appearance. What will they think if they know that I am your brother? Don't they laugh at you?" I felt so touched, and tears filled my eyes. I swept away dusts from my brother's body. And said with a lump in my throat, " I don't care of what people say!
You are my brother no matter what your appearance is?" From his pocket, he took out a butterfly hair clip. He wore it on me, and said, "I saw all the girls in town are wearing it. So, I think you should also have one." I could not hold back myself anymore. I pulled my brother into my arms and cried and cried.
That year, my brother was 20 years old; I was 23 years old. The first time I brought my boyfriend home, the broken window had been repaired.And it looked so clean inside the house. After, my boyfriend went home, I danced like a small girl in front of my mother, "Mom, you don't have to spend so many time cleaning the house!" But she said with a smile," It was your brother who went home early to clean the house. Didn't you see the wound on his hand? He was injured while replacing the window." I went into my brother's small bedroom. Looking at his thin face, I felt like there are hundreds of needle pricked in my heart.I put some ointment on his wound and bandaged it, "Does it hurt? " I asked him."No, it doesn't hurt. You know, when I was working in the construction site, stones falling on my feet all the time. Even that could not stop me from working and?" In the middle of the sentence, he stopped. I turned my back on him and tears rolling down my face. That year, my brother was 23 years old; I was 26 years old.
After I got married, I lived in the city. Lots of time my husband invited my parents to come and live with us, but they didn't want. They said, once they left the village,they didn't know what to do. My brother also didn't agree, he said, "Sis, you just taking care of your parents-in-law. I will take care of mom and dad here." My husband became the director of his factory. We wanted my brother to get the job as the manager in the department of maintenance. But my brother rejected the offer. He insisted on starting to work as a maitenance worker. One day, my brother was on the top of a ladder repairing a cable, when he got electrocuted, and was sent to the hospital.
My husband and I visited him. Looked at the white gypsum on his leg, I grumbled,"Why did you reject to be a manager? Manager will not do something dangerous like this. Look at you now, such a serious injury. Why you didn't want to listen to us?" With a serious expression on his face, he defended on his decision, "Think of brother-in-law?he just became the director, and I almost uneducated. If I became the manager, what kind of rumors will fly around?" My husband's eyes filled up with tears, and then I said, "But you lack in education also because of me!" "Why talking about the past?" My brother held my hand.
That year, he was 26 years old and I was 29 years old. My brother was 30 years old when he married a farmer girl from the village. In his wedding reception, the master of ceremonies asked him, "Who is the one you respect and love the most?" Without thinking, he answered," My sister." He continued by telling a story I could not even remember.
"When I was in primary school, the school was in different village.Everyday, my sister and I walked for 2 hours to go school and go home. One day, I lost one of my pair of gloves. My sister gave me one of hers. She only wore one glove and walked for so far. When we
got home, her hand was so trembled because of the weather that was so cold that she could not even hold her chopsticks. From that day on, I swore that as long as I live, I would take care of my sister and be good to her." Applause filled up the room. All guests turned their
attentions to me. Words were so hard to come out from my mouth, "In my
whole life, the one I would like to thank the most is my brother," And in this happy occasion,in front of the crowd, tears rolling down my face again. Love and care for the one you love every single days of your life. You may think what you did is just a small deed, but to that someone, it may mean a lot.

kecubung

TheHawk

Originally posted by kecubung at 26-6-2007 10:47 AM

So kesian!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TheHawk

A story on friendship

This story is about a soldier who was finally coming home after having fought in Vietnam. He called his parents from San Francisco.

"Mom and Dad, I'm coming home, but I've a favor to ask. I have a friend I'd like to bring home with me.

"Sure," they replied, "we'd love to meet him."

"There's something you should know," the son continued, "he was hurt pretty badly in the fighting. He stepped on a land mind and lost an arm and a leg. He has nowhere else to go, and I want him to come live with us."

"I'm sorry to hear that, son. Maybe we can help him find somewhere to live."

"No, Mom and Dad, I want him to live with us."

"Son," said the father, "you don't know what you're asking. Someone with such a handicap would be a terrible burden on us. We have our own lives to live, and we can't let something like this interfere with our lives. I think you should just come home and forget about this guy. He'll find a way to live on his own."

At that point, the son hung up the phone. The parents heard nothing more from him. A few days later, however, they received a call from the San Francisco police. Their son had died after falling from a building, they were told. The police believed it was suicide.

The grief-stricken parents flew to San Francisco and were taken to the city morgue to identify the body of their son. They recognized him, but to their horror they also discovered something they didn't know, their son had only one arm and one leg.

The parents in this story are like many of us. We find it easy to love those who are good-looking or fun to have around, but we don't like people who inconvenience us or make us feel uncomfortable. We would rather stay away from people who aren't as healthy, beautiful, or smart as we are.

Thankfully, there's someone who won't treat us that way. Someone who loves us with an unconditional love that welcomes us into the forever family, regardless of how messed up we are.

Tonight, before you tuck yourself in for the night, pray that your God will give you the strength you need to accept people as they are, and to help us all to be more understanding to those who are different from us!!! There's a miracle called Friendship that dwells in the heart You don't know how it happens Or when it gets started But you know the special lift It always brings. And you realize that Friendship Is your God's most precious gift!

Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share a word of praise, and they always want to open their hearts to us. Show your friends how much you care....

TheHawk

A Well Planned Life

Two women met for the first time since graduating from high school.
One asked the other, "You were always so organized in school,
Did you manage to live a well planned life? "
" Yes," said her friend.

"My first marriage was to a millionaire;

my second marriage was to an actor;

my third marriage was to a preacher;

and now I'm married to an undertaker."

Her friend asked,

"What do those marriages have to do with a well planned life?"

"One for the money,

two for the show,

three to get ready,

and four to go."

TheHawk

Cups Of Coffee

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full.

They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.
He shook the jar lightly.

The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full.

They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full.

The students responded with a unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of ready coffee from under the table
and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.

The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided,

"I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health,
your friends and your favourite passions---
and if everything else was lost and only they remained,
your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.
The pebbles are important also  but not as important as the golf balls..

The sand is everything else---the small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued,
"there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.

The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff
you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.

Take your spouse out to dinner.
Play games and sport...relax and enjoy yourself...

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter.

Set your priorities.

The rest is just sand....."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled.
"I'm glad you asked...

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there should  always be room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

TheHawk

English Patient

An English guy was very ill and his son went to visit him in the hospital. Suddenly, the father began to breathe heavily and grabbed the pen and pad by the bed. With his last ounce of strength he wrote a note, dropped it, and died.
The son was so overcome with grief that he didn't remember slipping the note into his pocket. At the funeral, he reached into the pocket of his coat and immediately felt the note. He excitedly read it thinking it might be something he could recite during the service. It said:

YOU WANKER -- GET OFF MY OXYGEN PIPE