bolehkah kita mengubah seseorang..

BingkaUbi

ko bley ubah seseorang kalu ko tahu kat mana kelemahan dia, dr situ ko bley paksa dia berubah....walaupung bkn dgn rela ati dia...janji perubahan tuh tuk kebaikan bersama....sama mcm org kata kita x bley nak perbaiki sebuah rumahtangga kalu sebelah pihak tuh tak nak berubah, betui ka? sebenarnya bley............

truly

hi everyone...

thanks so much for the replies.......banyak nya pendapat, very interesting. rupanya pandangan lain lain walau pun semua dah berumahtangga.

saya akan bagi pandangan saya juga, tapi lepas reply semua kat sini dulu......

apa pun, oleh kerana masa suntuk, mungkin separuh jer dapat reply dulu......pastu sambung hari lain....hehe, bukan apa, first time masuk sini, tengok warm welcome (berdasarkan replies pada thread)...saya nak la reply semua posts anda.

but it will take time.

thanks so much.

truly

Originally posted by lindasam at 29-11-2007 08:38 AM
it depend pd husben/wife tu sendirila truly...mana yg ego tinggi langit mungkin x bole diubah atau mungkin bole diubah tp amik masa yg sgt lama. n ada yg bila hasben/wife confront ttg dia yg x di ...

hi linda

saya faham apa yang anda tulis. pokok pangkal nya kemahuan lah ya? betul tak kalau saya kata, bila kita sayangkan perhubungan tu, kemahuan ada untuk berubah demi pasangan.....tapi kalau kita tak berapa value, mungkin kita biarkan ego mengusai diri?

truly

Originally posted by bubpallo at 29-11-2007 08:40 AM
hye.... saye lom berfamily but saye nak sharekan sedikit eh..... saye rase agak sukar kita nak ubah seseorang itu ikut kemahuan kita tetapi ini tidak bermaksud bahawa sseorang itu tidak buleh diu ...

setuju jugak dengan you, point you di sini adalah iklas dalam inginkan perhubungan keluarga itu "work". saya faham perubahan dari kecil hingga dewasa, tapi pertanyaan saya lebih kepada hubungan pasangan.

iklas is the key word.......and you are right.

truly

Originally posted by OsHiN_hOnEy at 29-11-2007 09:13 AM
Hi Truly, welcome to FD

Kenapa hendak di ubah perangai seseorang itu yang sudah dimiliki semasa kita berkawan dengan mereka
kalau sebelum itu kita dapat menerima mereka seadanya ...

hi oshin

thanks for the warm welcome...hari tu takut takut jugak nak merantau board, tapi kata danhill masuk saja....happy to see you here.

kenapa nak ubah...ntah la oshin...kata orang zaman bercinta segalanya manis, kita nampak perangai dia pun, tips of the iceberg jer kut...jadi of course yang manis manis kita nampak tu, kita terima semuanya dan tak mau ubah.....

cuma kata orang bila dah kawin, baru nampak perangai sebenar? hehe....masa tu lah kut, maybe perubahan, adjustment di perlukan......orang lain yang makan garam boleh cerita lebih lanjut.

truly

Originally posted by hemorion at 29-11-2007 09:22 AM
emo truly believe that it is not easy to change partner kita...nih dlm konteks berpasanganlah....

but it is easy to change diri sendiri.....the moment kita change diri kita, all around us will ...

hi emo....nice to meet you. you sound like you have a very good married life....its good to know that.

saya setuju dengan emo, kalau kita berubah dulu, itu akan menjadi catalyst untuk pasangan berubah...tapi tu kalau kita dapat pasangan yang peka lah kan, pasangan yang punya attitude yang betul dan iklas...kalau pasangan tu take advantage of kita pulak.....kita berubah, dia makin menjadi? it takes two to tango ya tak?

saya ada juga pengalaman berkasih kasihan dan mengharapkan perubahan....nanti ada masa, lepas reply semua saya citer la...hehe.

truly

Originally posted by LostSoul at 29-11-2007 12:08 PM
mmm true essence of ourselves will never change.. tp certain things like attitude, looks, bolehlah di ubah.. IMHO, if we try to change our partner to be what we wanted them to be, the changes wil ...

hi lostsoul......are you still lost? hehe, joking.

attitude can be changed, if we want to but true essence of ourselves will remain. Thats one way of looking at the issue. I do believe you have a point there. for example, we might have a partner who does not like having relatives/too many guests in the house.........perhaps he likes quiet surounding, but if his wife likes entertaining, he might change his attitute towards that. then again, deep down inside, he would still prefer not to have them....

versi merapu saya.

truly

Originally posted by iu78 at 29-11-2007 12:13 PM
kalau benda2 yg dah jadik habit tu susah la nak ubah... tapi both suami dan isteri rasanya akan adjust dgn character partner masing2, bukan berubah per say.

mungkin kalau dulu dia pengotor, la ...

hi iu....jadi takes time lah ya....kalau kita dapat pasangan yang ada banyak character yang kita tak suka....with time boleh berubah? ada hope lah ya, kena sabar.....hehe. I hope you are right.......

truly

Originally posted by faraway at 29-11-2007 12:29 PM
kita boleh ubah orang walau tak seratus peratus..
contoh me ubah laki me
bak ayat kawan baik dia,
me really good mengubah laki me..
keperibadian dia...
malah families dia cakap benda yan ...

good news faraway.....tandanya suami you sangat menghargai you dan rumahtangga, jadi dia willing untuk berubah. lelaki barat selalunya lebih gentleman.......(bukan la, jangan marah pulak.....cuma pengalaman yang seciput ni, nampak lelaki barat pandai menghargai isteri..)

truly

Originally posted by my-alja at 29-11-2007 01:21 PM
for me plak....manusia nie sentiasa berubah, masakan dia tak berubah ...dr kecik sampai besar duk nak berkepit dgn mak/ayah.....dia berubah cuma perubahan tu aje yg kita nampak atau buat2 tak n ...

good afternoon my-aja....thanks for sharing your experience....boleh di jadikan panduan....saya baca dah a few replies kan sini, common denominator sama, boleh berubah, akan berubah cuma perlu masa..

boleh tau tak, berapa lama it takes untuk pasangan you berubah (yang ketara). sebelum berubah tu, ada tak catalyst macam bergaduh besar ke etc atau dia sendiri ingin berubah demi keluarga?

truly

Originally posted by dianthe at 29-11-2007 02:35 PM
aku pernah cuba nak merubah seseorg, tapi tak berjaya.. dia tetap dgn cara dia... so aku letak fullstop pada hubungan tu.. sebab kalau teruskan juga, aku tak puas hati, dia pun tak puas hati... n ...

tapi kalau kita dah sayang, dan rasa tak nak fullstop....kita pulak ke berubah ikut dia? kadang jadi dilemma bila hati dah sayang, cinta dah buta.

truly

Originally posted by norjanah at 29-11-2007 02:37 PM
boleh ubah...tp hanya membantu....
pokok pangkal nyeorg tu sendiri kena ada niat dan usaha ikhlas nak berubah......

hi norjannah

macam bubpallo kata kat atas lah ya, kena ada keiklasan.

so far kita dah dapat a few key words

iklas, takes time, kita kena berubah dulu/sama.

truly

Originally posted by thedude at 29-11-2007 02:38 PM
Hanya orang itu boleh mengubah dirinya sendiri.

But u can make him want to change himself. Kalau dia sayang sangat kat u, ape2 pon dia boleh ubah.

tapi apa jadi selepas sayang tu dah hilang? dia kembali pada asal tak? dan berubah pulak ikut kekasih baru? hehe

truly

Originally posted by lyly at 29-11-2007 03:18 PM
takat ni, tak berubah apa2 pun... , cakap lah, bebel lah camner pun....jawapan dia...tak sengaja.... ...tension tension...

hi lyly

dorang kata takes time.....dah berapa tahun? takes time tu berapa tahun ya?

agaknya cara tak kena?

truly

Originally posted by flip_flop at 29-11-2007 03:30 PM
kita memang tak boleh nak ubah perangai org atau pasangan sendiri. kita cuma buleh bagi nasihat atau galakan, tapi, hanya kesedaran dari dia sendiri je yang boleh membuat dia berubah..tak kira la ...

hi flipflop...

i agree with you. kalau dia tak nak berubah, jadila ribut taufan catrina pun, dia tetap dia. pokok pangkal diri sendiri. jadi kita tak boleh ubah dia lah ya?

truly

Originally posted by ajinomotonosuga at 29-11-2007 04:10 PM
i think kan.. soalan kenapa mesti berubah tu lebih utama dari soalan boleh ke berubah.

kuasa ada di mana2..buah derian ada kuasa, tempoyak ada kuasa, cari.com.my ada kuasa , momod ada kuasa ap ...

thanks for yr reply aji....

kenapa mesti berubah is a good question. masalahnya, tak semua orang tanya soalan tu. jadi bila pasangan tak nampak dia kena berubah (atas apa alasan pun) mungkin kita lah patut mengubah dia supaya dia nampak (semua kesalahan dia ha ha ha).

LostSoul

hi truly... i'm always lost.. heh heh.. acah je..

btw, i believe in that.. we can never chnage our true essence... but we might change throughout time.. but never that core of our beings.. just the outer or the middle rim..

my exp with my hubby: both of us like music, but there are some music of him that i hate, and i always tell him i will always hate that music. but we still practice freedom of expression in our car. so, once in a while, he popped in his CD.. after few months listening to that hateful music, i started to like it myself coz i found there is something unique and euqally good in that music of his.. at the end, i love it as much as he does... forced change? nope.. influenced? more like it..

truly

Originally posted by en_azam at 29-11-2007 05:23 PM
gue setuju ngan pak aji.. pokoknya KENAPA... iya.. KENAPA mesti berubah....
tapi..... kalau ko ada boipren.... and ada satu tabiat dia yang ko tak suka.... sangat tidak suka
dan ko rasa lepas k ...

hehe, saya suka ni:

terlajak perahu boleh diundur.... terlajak shake hand ... mahkamah syariah la jawabnya..

betul tu. tapi dah macam tu, kalau kita nak jugak, kita kena lah accept ya? him as he is.....dah tu tak kan nak hidup makan hati berulam jantung?

truly

Originally posted by PoSh78 at 29-11-2007 06:59 PM
salammmm

nak kenaL leh

salam posh......sure boleh kenal.......:handshake:

Posh apa kabar? adakah seposh orangnya? hehe

truly

Originally posted by LostSoul at 1-12-2007 01:08 PM
hi truly... i'm always lost.. heh heh.. acah je..

btw, i believe in that.. we can never chnage our true essence... but we might change throughout time.. but never that core of our beings.. jus ...

hi always lost...

sure music..i think theres ground for compromise. but how about bigger issue....for example, he is very stingy with compliments (for women, its big issue) but you like to be complimented once in a while. how do you change that? and even if he tries to compliment you, do you think you would get a sincere compliments, or more likely a forced, fake one?