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ifanonline replied at 13-12-2020 10:25 AM
org laki ni mudah aje, maksudnya dia nak u sebagai kawan sahaja...tak lebih dr itu...
kalau nak ...
hmmm terpaksa la iols terus menjadi andartu |
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weng sket sis arini sbb smlm pkl 3 pon masih kedip2 mata x leh tido. puas berzikir. dgr macam2 bunyi lak.
smlm mimpi x best 
pagi ni mata panda dah ni oii
kuar gi tapau air setabak. n now tgh pujuk ati nak siapkan assignment, tp buku Carlos Case Closed ni memanggil lak |
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ifanonline replied at 13-12-2020 10:25 AM
org laki ni mudah aje, maksudnya dia nak u sebagai kawan sahaja...tak lebih dr itu...
kalau nak ...
menarik ni. cer explain layanan lain tu? apa beza dgn layanan pada kawan? |
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nak tanya dulu, sue ni kategori andartu yg mana satu? sebab setiap kategori ada tips2 nya tersendiri...lain umur, lain obatnya...
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ifanonline replied at 14-12-2020 09:01 AM
nak tanya dulu, sue ni kategori andartu yg mana satu? sebab setiap kategori ada tips2 nya tersendi ...
kategori senior. hahhaha. |
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kategori senior ni kena buat kerja lebih skit...
almaklum dah agak berumur, saingan sengit dgn andartu junior...
for your category, teknik2 anak dara dah takleh pakai...u kena berusaha keras utk mendapatkan pasangan yg berkenan tu...kalau si dia tak telepon sangat, u need to take the initiative to call...
utk dating, jgn tunggu laki tu set time and date, take the initiative utk set kan date...kategori andartu senior ni dah takleh tunggu2 dah...masa awak suntuk...and also your health i.e. pregnancy
mana2 buku medical pun akan ckp pregnancy at the age of 40 and above tendency anak atau ibu akan sakit adalah sangat tinggi...by the time you're 40, kena stop beranak...utk kebaikan ibu dan anak...
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ifanonline replied at 14-12-2020 09:37 AM
kategori senior ni kena buat kerja lebih skit...
almaklum dah agak berumur, saingan sengit dg ...
hahahha. adui. nk over sgt. malu ipan sbgai ppn. im not a desperate one. so usaha mcm x da la desperate. kalo jodoh inshaallah mcm mana pon jmpa. |
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sue masih ada sindrom 'perigi mencari timba'...
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ifanonline replied at 14-12-2020 10:58 AM
sue masih ada sindrom 'perigi mencari timba'...
malu la ipan oiii. |
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lambat skit la nak dpt lelaki idaman sue...
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ifanonline replied at 14-12-2020 01:34 PM
lambat skit la nak dpt lelaki idaman sue...
nak buat mcm mana. sy ni ppn. hahaha |
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sue tengok mcm ni jelah di celah tingkap...
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ifanonline replied at 14-12-2020 01:40 PM
sue tengok mcm ni jelah di celah tingkap...
hahhaha. bongok. x po lah.
serah pada Allah. |
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isnin so lemau gi opis.
tetibe rasa nak start menulis balik lepas kene kerah dgn upper officer tadi. hahahaha
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akak rajin arini so here sharing an article for us to ponder;
Viewpoint: Why are couples so mean to single people?
In a world that celebrates romance and finding The One, people can be rather rude to single people, writes James Friel.
No-one is supposed to be single.
In the course of my life, I have loved and lost and sometimes won, and always strangers have been kind. But I have, it appears, been set on a life of single blessedness.
And I haven't minded. Or rather, I realise, I haven't minded enough. But now I kind of do. Take dinner parties. There comes a moment, and that question: "Why don't you have a partner?"
It is usually asked by one of a couple, with always a swivel of the eye to his or her other half, so really two people are asking this question.
And I struggle to answer: "I have never found the right person... I am a sad and sorry manchild... I am incapable of love... I am a deviant, and prefer giraffes."
Any answer will fail to satisfy. The questioner expects no happy answer. I am only covering up my bone-deep, life-corroding loneliness. The questioners know this, and the insight they believe it affords comforts them. They are safe.
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They look down from the high castle of coupledom, protected from such a fate. But if I were to ask: "Why have you settled for him? Why are you stuck with her? Were you so afraid of being alone?" such questions would be thought rude, intrusive.
Last week a friend of mine went on a date. A foolish thing to do. The man she met had been married three times and had a child by each wife. An example of emotional continence I'm sure you'll agree. And he asked my friend, single and childless, why she had failed at life.
It was a shortish date. Failed at life?
Single people can also feel this way about other single people, and about themselves. You see, no one is supposed to be single. If we are, we must account for our deficiencies.
A recent book claims on its cover that single people might be the most reviled sexual minority today. But it's not just today.
Take the word "spinster". It is withering and unkind. The word, of course, is innocent, but its connotations are unhappy, dismissive and disrespectful.
A few years back, in an age of Bridget Jones-type heroines, the novelist Carol Clewlow wondered about a female reader of her own generation, a woman who had long decided not to twin her destiny with another's. She wrote a novel about this single state. About spinsters.
She called it Spinsta.
She delivered Spinsta to her agent, who was delighted, as were her publishers. A campaign was initiated. Various columnists and celebrities were to be asked to consider and celebrate this word, but then another word came back from the booksellers.
That word was "no". They would not stock and no one would pick up a book with such an ugly word as its title. The novel was retitled Not Married, Not Bothered.
When I speak of this subject with women, the conversation, the anecdotes, are plentiful, wry and amusing.
 IMAGE COPYRIGHTAP
With other men, gay or straight, the talk is more wistful, hesitant, inconclusive, and even a little pained.
Legal now, the gay man must also account for not having a partner. We even agitate for marriage. To be recognised as couples not just by the law - which is right - but by God, which is redundant. But couples rely on such iron definitions, need them.
Someone might take them to be single, and no one is supposed to be single. And yet I am. Carol Clewlow described me as a male spinster. I admit I was a little bothered until she added "like George Clooney".
It reads: "A male spinster is an unmarried man over the age of 35, a moniker that implies at best these men have 'issues' and at worst are sociopaths. One fears for these men, just as society has traditionally feared for the single women. They cannot see how lonely they will be."
How kind this fear sounds. No-one is supposed to be single. To be single must mean to be lonely but far lonelier are those who fear being alone.
Namely, the "I" who is incomplete without a "you". The "me" who is without substance or purpose unless rhymed with a "we". Those tyrannised by the need, the obligation, to go about this world in pairs.
In order to argue for the single person, it seems one must criticise the couple; the culture that coerces us into coupledom, the religions, the familial pressures, the pop songs, the movies, the game shows, the gossip, the unavoidable, inescapable pressure to conjoin, to love.
Freud has it that we become ill if we do not love, and songs tell us we must succumb to a love that - bonding us - will devastate us too. I am nothing, nothing, nothing, if I don't have you. How kind is such a love? Isn't it a little punitive?
Laura Kipnis, in Against Love, has a chapter called Domestic Gulag, and the prison rules a couple must follow:
- You can't leave the house without saying where you are going
- You can't not say what time you will return
- You can't leave the bathroom door open - it's offensive
- You can't leave the bathroom door closed
- You can't have secrets
Nine and half pages later, Kipnis concludes: "The specifics don't matter. What matters is the operative word, can't. Thus is love obtained."
And Michael Cobb reminds us in a book called Single that Plato defined love as our name for the pursuit of the whole, our desire to be made complete. But Plato has Aristophanes remind us that this pursuit - this need to be completed, this quest for coupledom - is a punishment.
Perhaps single people secretly wish to reclaim an original state of being, somehow sense that we do not need to be completed by another, somehow sense that we are able to complete ourselves. The single person might just be too self-possessed.
Perhaps we are too honest to be coupled. Perhaps we cannot tell another person: "I love only you. And I will love you forever."
It's quite difficult to tell someone the more truthful: "I love you, you know, for now."
Sorry. The single person might just be too self-possessed.
Personally, I don't wish to make satiric judgements against the couple because such judgements - patronising, dismissive and even fearful - are what I resent when asked to explain why I persist in being single.
I want to describe myself more positively and not against some grain that abrades both me and anyone else who believes and lives differently.
My favourite character in literature is the difficult, unclubbable Lucy Snowe from Charlotte Bronte's Villette. At the conclusion of her slippery and singular tale, she manages in her lone voice to define herself as wife, widow and spinster all at once and so none of these at all but - simply, complicatedly - her own marvellous, darkly brave and tricksy self.
image captionDickens' Miss Havisham - compelled by an unrealisable conception of love?
And I would rescue, too, that martyr, the maligned Miss Havisham. Because I don't believe the single person has a sceptical or reductive notion of love but suspect, rather, that they might be compelled by an even higher, almost unrealisable, conception of it.
In the world through which we move, increasingly, we do not expect our relationships to endure. Increasingly, our relative affluence and advances in new technology allow us to live comfortably alone.
Increasingly, this is what we seem to be doing: we are choosing to live alone. We need stories not about how to become couples. They are legion. We need stories about how to be single, and how to be kept amazed and awake by a joy of our own manufacture.
Although I was born single, I never considered that this would continue to be my fate.
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Edited by Innrukia at 14-12-2020 08:29 PM
another good reading for adik2 semua...
@sue_0684
by
Claudia Connell
Don't call me a spinster!
Why do people think there's something wrong with a woman who hasn't married? It's hard to believe a ring on your finger is still the ultimate stamp of success
Every birthday I have celebrated since the age of 35 has brought with it one guarantee – among the cards will be one depicting an old crone in fingerless gloves, surrounded by dozens of cats. It's a joke apparently, directed at the fact that I am a single – because all unmarried women eventually turn into crazy cat ladies, don't you know.
I like to think I have a healthy, self-deprecating sense of humour, but I have to admit that the joke is wearing a bit thin.
We live in a time when we have made great strides forward in the acceptance of alternative lifestyles, relationships and families. From same-sex marriage to gay adoption, polyamory and celibacy, you name it and anything goes. Yet when it comes to the spinster, society just can't seem to make its peace with us. The stereotypical image of long ago of the oddball woman in the village who makes people feel a bit uncomfortable still sticks. The notion of the happy, unattached female is a myth as far as most are concerned.
In addition to smelling of cat's pee, we are seen as sad, lonely and unfulfilled. For me to reach middle age, as I have at 47, and not to have married means there must be something wrong with me. And, my word, do people like to have fun trying to work out just what that could be. Too fussy, too independent, too smart are just some of the defects of which I have been accused over the years. It's hard to think of any other circumstance where being clever and able to take care of oneself would be considered a bad thing for a woman but, when it comes to attracting a mate, they are total man-repellents I am told. And while we are on the subject, being funny and sarcastic hasn't done me many favours either apparently.
For many, the belief that if a woman has never found a husband, then she only has herself to blame is a long-held one and it's a subject that the writer Sara Eckel explores in her latest book It's Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You're Single.
Fed up of the vitriol directed at single women, the author dismantles the most common criticisms and argues that the reason most women aren't married by a certain age is simple: they just haven't met the right man and they refuse to settle for the wrong one.
Eckel writes of the many times when, like me, she has been called on to justify being without a partner. It's something I call "the taxi driver interrogation" because, in my experience, taxi drivers are the worst offenders, often slack-jawed in dismay that a "lovely girl like you" hasn't been snapped up.
There have been so many occasions when I've revealed that I'm single only to have the person I'm talking to say: "Really? But you seem so nice." That's because I am nice. I don't kick puppies for fun or push old ladies down manholes – I just don't have a husband and it doesn't bother me half as much as it seems to bother everyone else.
My honest answer to the question "Why did you never marry?" would be the same as my answer to why I've never visited Canada, ridden a horse or broken my arm: I don't know, it just didn't happen.
This horrible blame game is something Eckel calls "single shaming" and it's a curious phenomenon that seems only to be directed at women.
The unattached woman is to be pitied and mocked while the unattached man is to be envied and respected. A simple game of word association is enough to hammer home the point. Think of the word "spinster" and what images pop into your head? Now do the same with "bachelor". A Miss Marple figure surrounded by cats and coupons for us and a suntanned hunk in a sport's car for him – am I right?
I also can't recall ever having seen a single self-help book on the shelf aimed at rescuing men from the curse of bachelorhood. But any single woman looking for help in getting hitched can choose from about 120 titles on Amazon, including the bestselling Why You're Not Married … Yet by Tracy McMillan. In this she states that the six main reasons women aren't snapped up are because we're either: bitches, liars, sluts, shallow, selfish or just not good enough. It is meant to be light hearted but the message is clear: not married equals damaged goods.
Of course, if women didn't buy these books then they wouldn't get published and I admit that in my 20s and early 30s I thumbed through a few of them myself. However, as soon as I realised that the lesson from every volume was to act dumb and lower your expectations, I lost interest.
One book suggested that the next time I needed a lightbulb replaced or a plug changed, instead of doing it myself I should knock on the doors of all my neighbours and try to find a single man to do it for me. Hardly humiliating at all. I think I would have died of embarrassment long before I found an unmarried man to come and screw a 40w bulb in for me. Yes, it would be useful to have had a man around to do odd jobs but, in the absence of one, rather than sit in the dark, I learned to do them for myself.
As I entered my 30s, I did feel that the time was right to settle down, particularly as I wanted children, but what I never considered doing was compromising on what I was looking for in a man by settling for any old bloke – as so many of my friends did.
I had two long-term relationships in my 30s, but when it became clear that we weren't quite right for each other, we went our separate ways. It was at that point I was accused of the greatest of all single woman crimes: I was too fussy.
It always seemed so bizarre to me that the very same people who warned me that I shouldn't be too hasty when it came to things such as choosing a new sofa, changing jobs or booking a holiday also cautioned me for being too choosy and unrealistic when it came to finding a spouse. "Lots of women marry dull men, you've got your girlfriends to have fun with," was the sage advice of one elderly relative. It seems that while it's OK to be fussy about soft furnishings and trips abroad, when it comes to your life partner you should just grab whatever is on offer and worry about it later.
Our cause isn't helped by the word "spinster" itself; so often used as a term of abuse and ridicule. Neither have we been done any favours by some of the fictional characters who were meant to be our champions yet ended up being given "happy ever after" endings by their creators. Creators whom, I can only assume, equated being unmarried with failure.
Take Bridget Jones: after a 15-year hiatus, Helen Fielding reintroduced us to the singleton's poster girl last year only for us to learn that she had married Mark Darcy. OK he'd snuffed it and she is now a widow – but at least she made it down the aisle. So not a complete loser, then. Or there's Carrie Bradshaw, from Sex and the City, who in the 2008 film married Mr Big – the man who ditched her at the altar, married another woman behind her back and generally treated her like dirt. Fair's fair though, she was 41 and at that age when beggars can't be choosers.
It's hard to believe that in 2014 a ring on the finger is still seen as the ultimate stamp of success for women.
There's a scene in the film Airplane when it seems likely that the plane is going to crash and an unmarried female flight attendant asks a passenger if she's frightened. "Yes," replies the woman. "But at least I have a husband."
OK, it's a comedy. I laughed. But try living with a version of that joke for half of your life and see if you're still smiling.
The good news at least is that once you get past 45, the single-shaming decreases. This is mostly because people consider you a lost cause and love to repeat the statistic about how you have more chance of being killed by a terrorist than of getting married.
Maybe I'll get married late in life, maybe I'll be blown up on a hijacked plane. Who can say? What I do know is that I'm not some misfit or freak of nature. I don't sit at home Miss Havisham-style in a dusty old wedding dress poring over photographs of the ones who got away.
More importantly, neither do I have any cats. I hate them. |
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kalau menjanda lama boleh dikira tak kategori ni? |
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Innrukia replied at 14-12-2020 08:22 PM
another good reading for adik2 semua...
@sue_0684
tq kak. a good read. bkn melayu saja yg ada mindset mcm ni, kawen tu kira satu trophy la. lagi2 pada ppn. |
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kawen ke tak ke pilihan masing2 n mostly mmg dah dimaktubkan x bersuami atas dunia ni. #husnuzon+redho
kalo nak kawen mesti dah usaha ke arah tu
for me x yah skeptical la.
kdg2 org sekeliling seebuk nak kenen2kan sana sini. yg tanya nape x kawen tu dah x de perasaan dah nak jawap. i just stare je katsape2 yg tanya tu.
eh ni thread diari kan.
ha betol la.
jangan sebab ko ade partner pastu ko heran bin ajaib lak nape ade manusia x de pasangan. ketepikan soal memilih, soal perangai orang tu.
kene la terima kepelbagaian hidup. (betol ke term ni)
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Innrukia replied at 14-12-2020 08:22 PM
another good reading for adik2 semua...
@sue_0684
Yang part change light bulb/bertukang tu, i so relate..
A few years ago, i kat kedai hardware.. ye lah i mana reti sgt kan.. so i google n i tanye banyak soalan..
Lepas tu pakcik hardware tu boleh pulak suro i carik bf tolong i repair.. eh xde kena mengena kot.. mcm la sume laki reti bertukang.. i sentap i blah je..
In the end, i berjaya repair sendiri.. tp habis dlm rm200 jugak la beli perkakas yg i pakai sekali je.. ahahaha.. |
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Category: Cinta & Perhubungan
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Post time 13-12-2020 01:14 PM
Author
