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Hawk's Corner - Jokes and Romantic Stories n Quotations
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Mary Sue
Mary Sue datang ke sebuah kota besar untuk pertama kalinya.
Dia check-in di sebuah hotel mewah dan seorang pelayan membawakan begnya menuju ke bilik yang Mary Sue akan menginap.
Mary Sue mengikuti langkah-langkah pelayan itu dan ketika pelayan tersebut menutup pintu, Mary Sue melihat ke sekeliling dan marah-marah kepada pelayan tersebut.
"Anak muda, aku mungkin tua dan kekampungan, tapi tidak bererti aku ini bodoh! Aku membayar mahal untuk tinggal di hotel ini tapi bilik ini bukanlah bilik yang sesuai dengan bayaran itu! Bilik ini begitu kecil, tidak ada kemudahan, tidak ada televisyen, bahkan tempat tidur pun tidak ada!"
"Nyonya, ini adalah lif" jawab pelayan tu selamber.
[ Last edited by TheHawk at 30-3-2007 09:28 PM ] |
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Gay Roaster
Farmer Brown goes out one bay and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken. The cocky young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says: "OK, old fellow, time to retire." The old rooster says: "You can't handle all these chickens, look what it did to me!" The young rooster replies: "Now don't give me a hassle about this old man. It's time for the old to step aside and the young take over, so take a hike!" The old rooster says: "Aw, c'mon, just let me have those two old hens over there in the corner. I won't bother you." The young rooster snarls: "Scram! Beat it! You're washed up! I'm taking over!" The old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young rooster: "I'll tell you what, young fellow, I'll have a race around the farm house with you. Whoever wins the race gets full domain over the chicken coop." The young rooster smiles: "You know I'm going to beat you, old man. So just to be fair, I'm even going to give you a head start." The two roosters line up in back of the farm house; a hen clucks "Go!" and the old rooster takes off running. About 5 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farm house and the young rooster is inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast. Farmer Brown, sitting on the porch, hearing the commotion looks up and sees what's going on. Quickly, he grabs his shotgun and BOOM! The young rooster is blown to smithereens! Farmer Brown sadly shakes his head in disgust: "Damn! That makes the third gay rooster I bought this week."
[ Last edited by TheHawk at 30-3-2007 09:31 PM ] |
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Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country
Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25 year-old blonde
who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm
and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word.
His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they
corner him and ask, "Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?"
Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"
They're knocked over, but continue to ask. "So, how'd you persuade her
to marry you?"
"I lied about my age", Bob replies.
"What, did you tell her you were only 50?"
Bob smiles and says, "No, I told her I was 90." |
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Kerana Kuat Berletir, Isteri Dibuang Dlm Perigi
Sebuah kisah yg belaku diutara Malaysia.
Jadikan pengajaran kpd semua yg bergelar isteri...
Seorg pemuda yg dah lanjut usia sekitar 40an yg takut untuk beristeri tapi atas desakkan keluarga dan kawan kawan maka dijodohkannya dgn seorg janda yg telah diceraikan oleh suaminya kerana tidak tahan dgn sikap buruknya itu... ... pemuda ini tidak tahu latar belakang janda itu... ... .
Berkawinlah pemuda ini dgn sijanda ini dgn penuh meriah... ... pasangan ini dikatakan bahagia pada mulanya,namun peranggai si-isteri sedikit demi sedikit berubah dan perangai lamanya berualang kembali... ...
Nasib pemuda ini malang sekali,akhirnya dia tidak pulang kerumah dan menumpang tidur disurau... ..atas nasihat kawan kawannya akhirnya dia balik kerumah pada ptg esoknya... ..
Sampai dirumah dia dimaki hamun oleh isteri,oleh kerana tidak tahan akhirnya dihumban isterinya kedlm perigi besar dibelakang rumahnya... ... ..
Selepas solat Isyak dia teringgat akan isterinya dan rasa bersalah mula timbul dlm hatinya,bimbang dia kalau kalau isterinya mati... ... akhirnya diambilnya tali dan dilepaskan dlm perigi yg gelap itu sambil memanggil nama isterinya... namun tiada jawapan... setelah penat dikembali kerumahnya dan dtg semula selapas tengah malam... ...
Dihulurnya lagi tali itu sambil memanggil nama isterinya,,,tiba tiba dia terasa seperti tali ditarik org lalu dia menarik tali itu keatas ... ... apabila tali itu ditarik keatas ternampak akan pemuda itu satu lembaga yg besar dan mengerunkan... ..lalu bertanya pemuda itu "siapa kamu,kamu bukan isteri aku ?" Lalu lembaga itu menjawap " aku Jin penunggu perigi ini, nasib baik kamu dtg menghulur tali dapat aku keluar dari perigi ini,tak tahan aku duduk dlm sana kerana isteri kamu kuat berletir... ... ." |
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awu eh..pikir tah banar2...  |
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DATUK
Satu datuk tambah satu datuk tambah lagi satu datuk jawapannya berapa?
tentulah tiga.
Tetapi kalau 3 datuk tolak satu nenek berapa?
Jawapannya tentulah nenek itu jatuh.
"It takes years to build trust, and a few seconds to destroy it.
It only takes a few seconds to hurt people you love and it takes years to heal." |
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100%
"Mama.. hari ini saya dapat markah 100% di Sekolah," kata Yani kpd mamanya.
"Iya ke??.. macam ni lah anak Mama yang pintar..
Pelajaran apa yang kamu dapat markah 100%?" Tanya ibunya.
"Matematik 30%, Bahasa Melayu 50%, dan Sejarah 20%." 
"It takes years to build trust, and a few seconds to destroy it.
It only takes a few seconds to hurt people you love and it takes years to heal." |
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PANADOL
Bidin melihat rakannya, Wafdi.. sedang membuat kopi...kemudian memasukkan
sebutir ubat panadol ke dalamnya. Dengan kehairanan Bidin bertanya kepada Wafdi...
Bidin : " Kenapa masukkan panadol dalam kopi tu?".
Wafdi : " Kopi ni panas.. bagi panadol.. kurang sikit panas dia..".
"It takes years to build trust, and a few seconds to destroy it.
It only takes a few seconds to hurt people you love and it takes years to heal." |
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PEMBURU
Seorang pemburu bertembung dengan seekor singa.
Terperanjat, dia tak sempat mengangkat senapangnya.
Tiada pilihan, pemburu itu bertadah tangan & Berdoa.
Ketika pemburu itu menjeling ke arah singa, dia ternampak bahawa singa itu juga sedang berdoa.
Pemburuh : Ah.........singa baik rupanya. Selamatlah aku.
Singa: Ya......Singa yang baik selalu membaca doa sebelum makan.
"It takes years to build trust, and a few seconds to destroy it.
It only takes a few seconds to hurt people you love and it takes years to heal." |
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Only 6 Months
The middle aged man was visibly shaken when his Doctor advised that he had only 6 month's to live because of the terminal disease that was detected during a recent physical check-up. The Doctor suggested that he should get his "house in order" , make sure his Will was current and ensure all final arrangements were in place for the funeral. He should then make plans to enjoy what might be left of his life, to the fullest.
"What will you do for the last six months?" asked the Doctor.
His patient thought for a few minutes then replied, "I think I'll go and live with my Mother-in-law".
Surprised by the answer, the Doctor asked, "Of all people, why in the would you want to live with your Mother-in-law?"
"Because it'll be the longest six months of my Life!"
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The Dot
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The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.
She was reluctant to call on little Johnny, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But, eventually, his turn came....
Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class and, with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well, the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.
"It's a period," reported Johnnie.
"Well, I can see that," she said, "but what's so exciting about a period?"
"Damned if I know", said Johnny, "but, this morning, my sister said she missed one. Then Dad had a heart attack, Mom feinted, and the man next door shot himself!"
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The Wind Of Time
Don't count your time by sorrows
Try not adding up the tears
Just forget all the heartache
that may have touched you
through the years
Times given into anger
Those moments that you were mad
Forget about the gray clouds
Or the days you felt kind of sad
Count the hours of happiness
The times that you spent with a friend
The minutes you gave into laughter
as a funny movie came to an end
Add up the seconds of your heart beating
As it embraced love and was content
Because you were with the one
that means everything to you
They just had to be heaven sent
Remember the times together with your family
And you laughed so hard tears came to your eyes
Yes, happy tears with the birth of a new baby
or at a wedding you cried
When you are a child
You see years and years ahead
But, as you age...
You see life is really very short instead
So, you just count those hours of happiness
Don't let sadness steal your life away
Find something or someone that lifts up your heart
Each and everyday
**Kathryn Sunday Davis**
"It takes years to build trust, and a few seconds to destroy it.
It only takes a few seconds to hurt people you love and it takes years to heal." |
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MATHEMATICS WITH NO NUMBERS
ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be hap py with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 揧ou're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
[ Last edited by TheHawk at 3-4-2007 02:47 PM ] |
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Category: Negeri & Negara
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Author
Post time 1-4-2007 11:01 AM
