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Benarkah Wanita Cantik Lebih Mudah Mendapat Pekerjaan?
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Sian pulak dijadikan contoh. Bung pun pnh kutuk dia gak kan? Tak patutlah kutuk paras rupa orang.
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Being Ugly and the Power of Beauty
68 Comments
I’m an ugly girl.
That’s right – I said it. The big “U” word. The word that people run away from, or try desperately to cover up with make-up, compliments and pseudo-self esteem. Call yourself ugly, and you’ll be under the barrage of:
1. Beauty is subjective! Isn’t it in the eye of the beholder anyway?!
2. Everyone’s beautiful! You’re beautiful!
3. *Lists a bunch of reasons why you can’t POSSIBLY be ugly*
4. Says you’re delusional/insane (re: being completely dismissive)
Part of this problem is that people tend to imagine in extremes. Ugliness is defined as horrific – like Hunchback of Notre-Dame type stuff – so if you don’t look like Quasimoto, then you can’t be ugly. This is irrational. NO ONE looks like Quasimoto, except for him, and few people would go around calling survivors of accidents with physical deformities as ugly. So basically, ugliness is reserved for fictional beings and monsters – which humans are not.
Granted – I understand it, really I do. With great beauty comes great power; to be called a model is probably one of the highest compliments a person can receive. Humans are so fixated on beauty that whole enterprises have been constructed in order to dismantle fabricated beauty (ie: Hollywood stars, magazine covers, etc) in exchange for “natural beauty” (ie: Lady Gaga’s Born This Way type stuff).
And I can understand the sentiment: everyone (well, most of you!) want power because power makes things easier. Money is power, but not everyone has money, but nowadays anyone can be beautiful, right? I remember my friend, who is from Appalachian, telling me about how beauty pageants were one of the few ways to get out of their town.
So yes – I deeply understand the influence being beautiful has over people – even those who wish to bunk beauty standards. Not so that they can be ugly, but so that they can be beautiful in their own way.
This is all well and good but ignores the truth: not everyone is beautiful (and in some cases, don’t want to be!). I’m not a beautiful girl. Most people focus on my personality, and what’s going on in my mind, not so much my body.
Being ugly, and being willing to call myself that, is always tricky business. When you’re conditioned to believe that ugliness is bad and prettiness is good, well, most people will do anything to show you how “good” you really are. But here’s what I’m here to say: being ugly isn’t a death sentence, it doesn’t say anything about your character (any more than being pretty does) and it’s not mutually exclusive from being awesome.
Yes – I am a ugly girl but so what? Why do I need to soothe myself with compliments in order to make myself feel better? Why is happiness so directly related to “feeling/being beautiful”? Why can’t I be ugly AND happy, successful, accomplished and unafraid? Why is ugly such a dirty, fucking word?
Ugliness is a descriptor, like anything else. Being ugly doesn’t make me less than. It simply is.
Even in the quest to “re-define beauty” why is beauty even a necessary part of the equation? Why force people into believing they’re beautiful? There is power in all things, including ugliness. Many people are terrified of being ugly, but if there’s power in exactly who you are, that includes being ugly too.
People are often quick to prove you’re beautiful, even if it’s just one feature.
Why do you think that is? Why can’t people be both ugly and happy?
This is definitely a discussion I want to have with as many people as possible. I really want to understand – why do you want to be pretty so bad? And why are you so quick to downplay people’s assertion of their own looks – which has NOTHING to do with you?
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Nak bg komen kat thread ni pun mcm segann je takut nampak mcm perasan canthekk pulak lol tp mmg klu rupa/penampilan kita jd tarikan lelaki mmg laluan tu agak mudah gak le. Bukan sekadarr bila apply keja je yg kita tak aplyy pun org asyik offer je, tak habis2 jantanss bg bisnes card suh contact dorg ajak keja dgn company dorg, yg nak taburr duittt pun ramaiiii, nak dgn taknak je lah. |
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Grace Boyle
September 29, 2011 at 3:39 pm
Most people I know say they’re XYZ about their looks and are asking for reassurance, not feeling good, lacking confidence, etc. That might be why people react, even though your looks, have nothing to do with them. Then again, why do you bring it up? To have a deep conversation about it or do ou want them to say, “Yes, you are?” I’m curious about this…
It took years, but I’ve come to terms (mostly, I’m not perfect, no one is) with my looks, my good, my bad, my ugly. Because whatever you think, I think everyone has some ugly. Physical and mental.
So, to take your question back to you. Are you happy? You say people can’t be ugly and happy but is that a generalization?
I find it funny – my friend is attracted to one person, while I think they are NOT attractive (yep, ugly). And visa versa. So I think that it is in the eye of the beholder. It really is.
I have always been one to be attracted to more than physical looks and body. My eyes, see deeper. See beyond. Beauty is my own definition (http://smallhandsbigideas.com/fr ... personal-signature/). You are talking about a mass media definition, but that is not the world’s definition.
I like what you’re saying around the word ugly. It’s not this horrific description.
The dictionary says:
1. very unattractive or unpleasant to look at; offensive to the sense of beauty; displeasing in appearance.
2. disagreeable; unpleasant; objectionable
So why would you fault someone for shying from ugly? By default, it is not a positive word. For instance hate is hate and love is love. One does not have a positive connotation, the other does.
Because it has been defined as NOT positive, especially, look at the second definition. It’s not all about looks. You can call someone’s heart ugly, someone’s mind ugly.
That’s a bit of rambling. I don’t strive to be pretty. That’s not my first goal in life. I rarely think about it actually. I am the way I am. I look the way I do. I barely wear makeup, I take 5 minutes to get ready and I would never get plastic surgery. Other people? They favor the “positive” connotation of looking good. If you read studies, I think it’s interesting that people find looks get you a lot of things. That’s probably why a lot of people are obsessed with it.
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I feel like instead of trying to convince everyone that they’re beautiful, we should be trying to convince everyone that they just ARE. They EXIST, they have a face and a body that EXIST and so does everyone else. Done.
What I mean is that we shouldn’t be judging people’s appearances at all. There can be things that we are attracted to, features that we appreciate in others, but an overall idea of “beautiful” versus “ugly” doesn’t make sense.
I appreciate it when someone compliments me, but I recognize that it is ONE person’s opinion, and that someone else might think I am ugly. I might look in the mirror one day and think I look like crap, but feel great the next day. Beauty is something that is so varied and fluctuates so rapidly that maintaining an ideal of beauty is nearly impossible. Even celebrities and so called “perfect” looking people can’t keep up with it. In the past 50 years alone the beauty ideal has changed numerous times!
I would imagine that you are more at peace with this idea than most people. You realize that the way you look isn’t really important, and that it’s okay if some people aren’t attracted to you.
I think, however, you should realize that “beauty” and “ugliness” are not all-encompassing terms. If you don’t feel that you are beautiful, it doesn’t mean you are not ~ it means that is YOUR opinion of yourself (even though we both know that’s a difficult way to exist)
Reply
parisianfeline
October 2, 2011 at 12:45 am
Hey Jessica! Thanks for stopping by!
I like this idea of simply existing, since it would alleviate a lot of issues surrounding ugliness and beauty. This is particularly true in cases where being beautiful is prized over anything else, which is really problematic when you’re not attractive. I’m not a cute girl, and I don’t want that to be held against it, even though it probably will (since it has been in the past).
I’m actually rather fascinated by beauty trends and what influences them. With the way people talk about beauty, you would think it existed in some kind of cultural isolation, even though that’s not entirely true. I don’t know the details of each era – though I should look into it.
I guess it depends on how you mean by “all encompassing.” I don’t use beauty/ugly to describe behavior characteristics or mentalities, though this is increasingly common usage for other people. My relationship with ugliness and beauty is purely physical, and nothing more than that. I think it becomes difficult to talk about what constitutes ugliness and beauty, when people start saying people can’t be ugly on the outside, only on the inside. I think that distracts from the discussion on what it means to be ugly vs pretty when you try to make it really abstract. Also, when it comes to myself, I think my opinion is the most important so my opinion of myself is the most important. To me, you pick and choose what you want to accept that aligns with how you see yourself, versus forcing yourself to conform to other people’s ideas about you. Therefore, if I say that I’m ugly, then it means exactly that – and no one can persuade me otherwise.
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I read your posts and always appreciate your honesty. By the way, I was just surfing EdenFantasys.
I believe that what we define as physically beautiful or ugly is in the eye of the beholder. Surface level, facial attraction is only perception. Yes, society can direct our perceptions, but when an individual chooses to steer those perceptions according to self (not society), those limitations change.
There are ugly supermodels and beautiful ugly people. I’ve seen women who aren’t physically attractive (face wise) by my community’s standards, but when I throw away the biases, they’re actually pretty. We’ve all seen someone’s wife/girlfriend or husband/boyfriend who we knew were ugly (when compared to a more attractive person), but they’re “supposed to be” pleasing to the eye. That’s like calling a bride, who’s obviously less attractive, beautiful only because it’s her wedding day. We often call people pretty only to be nice (knowing damn well it has nothing to do with whether they’re actually appealing to us). Nonetheless, being able to pair physical attraction with other favorable attributes can be a plus.
And makeup works two ways for me. Some people use it to enhance their beauty; others use it to hide their ugliness (along with weave, fake nails, clothes, jewelry, fake personalities, cars, sex, more attractive partners, etc.).
I think the root of this beauty madness is our pre-disposition to want or like things that are generally pleasing. And we live in a world where the bottom line matters. So whatever “they” define as physical beauty is law.
Sadly, we can’t compliment someone for possessing the attributes we see as “beautiful” without penalizing those who don’t possess those qualities.
You stated: “Mostly though, I wanted to explore or try to understand why people won’t let me feel or be ugly.” You can’t profess your ugliness because people associate that with poor self-esteem. When you declare your ugliness, you conjure in others the ugliness they deny. If you (or anyone else) wants to own the title “ugly,” it only signifies that you are aware that you don’t fit your communities’ standard of beauty. In my opinion, that’s a descriptive fact check.
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la jgn la fikir mcm tu..tak baik tau..allah dah ciptakan setiap manusia ada kelebihan dan kelemahan tersendiri...tgk lady diana..punya la cantik kehidupan dia tak bahagia pun..cantik tapi tak bahagia...macam mak si pelakon fizz fairuz..bukan la lawa pun...mmg tak lawa tapi mak dia baik sgt pulak...jd disebabkan kebaikan dia tu tutup segala rupa paras yg tak lawa....tp kadang2 aku tgk member2 aku mn yg bdn besar atau yg tak lawa dia org nie ada sedikit perasaan perasan n over confident...perasan cantk mengalahkan ratu cantik dunia..sabo je la kadang2....tagline yg berbadan beso lak "ala aku gemuk pun laki aku syg" terfikir gak dah ko tanggung laki ko mmg la dia syg...keje mcm robot 24jam...kita nak ckp lebih pun tak boleh kan..yg penting nikmati la segala yg allah beri...kalo muka berkerak tu banyak dah teknologi moden,ubat2 leh bg putih seputih mayat pun ada...jgn majuk2 ok
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ye...
nmpk sangat staf2 baru baik lelaki pompuan sume dahi licin...
and kalau yg x seberapa tu, mesti english power....
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alhamdulillah, semoga Allah sentiasa melindungi saudari.
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Mmg benar rupa main peranan... |
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Kecantikan itu sendiri ada pengaruhnya. Tetapi bagaimana dia menggunakan kecantikan itu lebih penting.
Tentang soal kerja, kecantikan tiada guna pada saya.
kalau cantik tahap model, tapi hasil kerja sentiasa menyusahkan pun tidak guna. Hari2 buat sakit hati sahaja. Lagi2 kalau dapat yang jenis " bodoh sombong ".
Tentang peluang mendapat perkerjaan itu. Bergantung kepada jenis pekerjaan yang dimohon serta bos yang berkenaan disyarikat itu.
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Kadang2 memang jeles dengan orang yang cantik2 nie...walaupun x pandai buat keje..kehadiran dia sentiasa orang sedar.orang pandang...kita yang x cantiik nie sentiasa kena kerja kuat..buat kerja betul2..ada result..baru orang sedar..oooo budak ni wujud ye : |
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Cantik tu subjektif..jika kamu bijak menjaga keterampilan dan punyai karisma tersendiri..si cantik pon jeles. Byk pompuan cantik aku jumpa terus jadi hodoh sebab hilang keyakinan dgn kecantikan diri bila dia belebih2 dlm berhias diri dan over konfiden mcm dia pandai tp nan hado jah.. |
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wartawan CARI nie kena kejar kuota....... nanti miss soru kalau tak cukup kuota........
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sbb thread nih ayat tanya maka ahkak jawab YA lah nok...
tapi ceteris peribus la kata omputeh yg dalam melayu nya kalo ada dua org yg punya exactly kelulusan yang sama...dedua cgpa 3.85....sekor muka mat maslan sekor muka anglina jolie..ko rasa???? takkan yg muka hauk cam mat maslan tu yg dapek kannn??? adatla tu utk manusia normal...
yg korang dok cerita cantik bimbo segala tu tak relevant sbb korang bandingkan buah salak ngan buah kiwi....haghammmm tak sama...
dan berkenaan bimbo yg lawa ngan brainy hauk...maka jokpan ahkak terpulang pada nature of work tu lah....kalo koje salesgirl...ahkak amikla si bimbo tu tadik....kalo nak jadik system analyst ke bagai ko gila nak hamik bimbo????? |
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bgi aku, tak cantik takpe tapi jgn tak kemas |
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cantik jer tapi pemalas nak buat kerja susah jugak...sekrg....banyak pesaigan... |
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Note: Thread has been banned by manager
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Post time 20-8-2015 11:20 AM
