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MOVIE REVIEW: by FB Zhafran Tan
BADANG (2018)
Spoiler alert: screw you.
I sacrificed 2 hours of my off day to see this movie so you don't have to. Buy me dinner, someone.
Okay, so this is a movie that I really wanted to see, as I have a soft spot for bad movies. However, due to the unfortunate phenomenon of not having any mentally-insane friends, I had to watch it alone. Even the guy at the ticketing counter was surprised:
Me: Badang, 1145, for one.
Guy: Serious ke bang?
So there I was, in a completely people-void cinema, alone. I thought, this is great, I can comment and laugh as loud as I wanted to. And I did. Repeatedly.
The opening credit was filled with montages of comic panel-ish images, exactly like the ones you'd see in Spiderman, if Spiderman employed standard 2 students with access to effect filters in Microsoft PowerPoint.
5 minutes into the movie and you will be treated with some of the most spectacularly bad acting by extras. Over the top is to put it mildly. God-level over acting, more like. The main character, Bad, played by Aliff Shukri for some reason, is introduced here, in a college classroom, next to his best friend, who looks like he's 45. Surrounded by early 20s kids in class. Subtle. Dude looks like a whale in a field of prairie dogs.
Anyway, Bad gets bullied a lot. On a daily basis at school, by a group of extras who also happen to be gang members. This being a Malay movie, obviously the gang name is Gang Dragon (what else?), whose members wear dragon tattoos on their necks. Obviously. And have a lair in an industrial building, complete with a fighting ring, tables with alcoholic beverages and playing cards with dimmed lighting, for gangster effects. At any given moment, there will be gang extras drinking and fighting, for whatever reason. The head of the Dragon gang, of course, sports a leather jacket with jeans, gold necklaces and gold rings and speak in very grammatically-correct Bahasa Melayu. I bet he got A in BM in SPM. He drives around in a pimped Hummer, because f*ck Mercedes. He ain't Yakuza. This is a person who needs the world to know he gangster.
So far, so cliché.
But wait, there's an African guy in the gang (!) Bet you didn't see that coming.
Anyway, in the midst of all this bad acting and scripting, few plot developments happened: Bad somehow got some power from a bamboo tree, his mother got attacked by dragon gang. Why? God knows. You can't apply logic here. In sick moment, his mom told him that he's actually adopted, and that he was discovered in a bamboo. How? Again, I donno. There was a mystical woman, I believe. It all went too fast. In case you don't know, this is straight copied from the story of the bamboo-cutter, a Japanese folklore.
So Bad become a superhero with extraordinary powers. Whilst trying to figure out who killed his mother, he goes around helping people in need. Unless it's raining. Because he's powerless in contact with water. This is pretty stupid, yes, but you must weight this against the fact that he also wears a suit that looks like it was dyed in the original Badang vomit.
You: What? Water? What? Why?
Me: Shut up! Just....Okay??
Let's skip some parts here: there's some love story developed, of course. Cerite Melayu kot. There's some hanging on Eiffel tower and the Sphinx, I think. It's a blur. The director susun the scenes like they're pieces of Jenga. I developed depression right around this time.
Skip. Skip.
The Dragons sailang some other gang with even stupider name that I have blocked from my head, thank God. They robbed stolen gold or something. I donno. There were fighting, shooting scene, but because the cinematography was so amateurish, I can't give you a proper scenario. You just have to take my word for it. It was brutal. There.
Then Badang came and beat the shit out of them, and then something something happen I don't care we are back to the lair Badang fought the dragon head, kick kick punch punch Badang wins. Hurray!
Yeah, so that's it.
There was a clever plot twist tho, I'd leave it to those connoisseurs of bad movies, like me, to enjoy. I laughed all the way through the badness, which is great. Normal people shouldn't go see this. Consider yourself warned.
Rating:
Casting: F*cked
Acting : F*cked
Directing: F*cked
Story development: properly f*cked
Soundtrack and dubbing: macam lancau
Cinematography: F*cked
Chance of a sequel: terrifying prospect, but yes.
Overall Rating: 0.5/10 (participation trophy)
Cringe level: 2000
JUST DON'T. DONT. |
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Post time 21-2-2018 02:02 AM
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