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Hawk's Corner - Jokes and Romantic Stories n Quotations
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Got this one from Joke and Humor
Amaran Kerajaan untuk wanita: Jangan Masturbasi!
Khas buat kaum wanita, terutama yang suka masturbasi
Ada seorang wanita datang ke klinik, umur 50 tahun, penampilan
masih ok lah, dia mengeluh kencing kadang-kadang ada rasa sakit. Biasalah
doktor pun melakukan pemeriksaan rutin termasuk menyuruh wanita itu >
periksa urinenya. Besok paginya si wanita itu kencing dan dimasukan ke botol
lalu menyuruh pembantunya untuk bawa botol itu ke klinik, pada waktu
itu hujan lebat dan pembantu si wanita itu tiba-tiba tergelicik, sehingga menyebabkan botol yang dibawanya pecah. Dia bingung nak minta majikannya kencing lagi takut, pasti kena hamuk, lalu dia berpikir, lebih baik aku ganti air kencingku aja daripada kena hamuk. Si pembantu itu
pun cari botol dan kencing lalu dikirim ke klinik dan dia pulang sambil membawa resit tanda terima lalu diserahkan kpd majikannya.
Keesokan harinya wanita itu datang ke klinik lagi, dan doktor itu terkejut melihat hasil urinenya, lalu bertanya kpd wanita itu:
Doktor : Puan mempunyai suami?
Wanita : Tidak, udah lama jadi janda, suami saya meninggal.
Doktor: : Maaf, apakah puan punya boyfriend atau lelaki yang
suka menemani puan.
Wanita: Tidak, saya dirumah saja, kadang2 ikut kegiatan sosial
sikit- sikit.
Doktor jadi tambah bingung, tapi sebagai doktor mesti berwibawa
dimuka pesakit, akhirnya doktor itu berkata:
Doktor : Puannnnnn, dengan nada sehalus mungkin, dari hasil >
pemeriksaan air kencing yang saya jalankan saya mengucapkan tahniah > kepada
puan,kerana ternyata puan saat ini sedang mengandung, jadi > mungkin
rasa sakit kalau kencing itu diakibatkan kerana > kehamilan puan dan untuk
itu saya beri surat supaya puan dirujuk oleh doktor ibu mengandung untuk merawat
kandungan puan.
Muka si wanita itu tiba-tiba pucat, akhirnya dengan langkah
longlai diaberjalan pulang. Sesampainya dirumah wanita itu lari kedapur dan
membuka almari lalu mengambil TERONG UNGU YANG BESAR DAN PANJANG yang disimpannya, lalu dia membanting-banting terung itu ke meja sampai > hancur
sambil berkata:
SIAL KAU TERONG...! SIAL KAU TERONG...! PASAL DEK KAULAH AKU MENGANDUNG, MACAMANA ANAK AKU NANTI RUPANYA, JANGAN-JANGAN NANTI MUKANYA UNGU, SIAL KAU! AKU TAK MAU PAKAI KAU LAGI!!!
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Puisi Suami yg minta izin Pologami
Isteriku, jika engkau bumi, akulah matahari. Aku akan menyinari mu kerana engkau mengharapkan sinaran dari ku. Ingatlah bahtera yg kita kayuh, begitu penuh riak gelombang.. Aku pasti akan tetap menyinari bumi, hingga kadang- kadang bumi terasa akan silauan ku. Lantas aku ingat satu hal bahawa Tuhan mencipta bukan hanya bumi, malah ada planet lain yang juga mengharapkan sinaranku. Lalu.. Relakanlah aku menyinari planet lain, menyampaikan faedah adanya aku, kerana sudah takdir Illahi sinaranku diperlukan diplanet lain...
Balasan Puisi sang isteri
Suamiku, andai kau memang mentari, sang surya yang memberi cahaya, aku merelakan engkau berikan sinaranmu kepada segala planet yang telah TUHAN ciptakan kerana mereka juga seperti aku perlukan cahaya mu akupun juga tidak akan merasa kekurangan dengan sinaran mu...
AKAN TETAPIIIIIIII..
Bila kau hanya sejengkal lilin yang berkekuatan 5 watt sahaja, jangan lah berimpi untuk menyinari planet lain!!! Kerana bilik tidur kita yang kecil pun belum sanggup kau terangi. Lihatlah diri mu pada cermin kaca di sudut kamar kita, di tengah remang-remang Pancaran cahaya mu yang telah aku mengerti...Cuba lihat siapa dirimu... MATAHARI atau lilin ? Please lah |
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20 years marriage
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.
She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him
sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him.
He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as
he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room.
"Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you
remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 18?" he asks solemnly.
"Yes I do" she replies The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"
"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued.. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my
face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?"
"I remember that too" she replied softly
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have been released today".
Wife : #@%*&@%#!!! |
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In a train compartment, there are three men and one ravishing young girl. The four passangers join in a conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic.
Then, the young girl proposes, "If each of you will give me $1, I will show you my legs." The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet. And then the girl pulls us her dress a bit to show her legs.
Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will give me $10, I'll show you my thighs." Men being what they are, they all pull out a ten-dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her undies.
Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats. Then the young girl says, "If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis."
Naturally, all three fork over the money, and then the girl turns to the window and points to a hospital in the distance and says, "There!"
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A Beautiful Secretary and a Rich Taiwanese
The conversation is like this:
The beautiful secretary of the president of the Chase Manhattan Bank goes on a sight-seeing tour with a very rich Taiwanese client.
The client out of the blue asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her; 揇on抰 reject the guy outright. |
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How to lead woman to bed?
a. What is the difference between girls/woman aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68 and 78?
At 8 -- You take her to bed and tell her a story.
At 18 -- You tell her a story and take her to bed.
At 28 -- You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.
At 38 -- She tells you a story and takes you to bed
At 48 -- She tells you a story to avoid going to bed.
At 58 -- You stay in bed to avoid her story.
At 68 -- If you take her to bed, that'll be a story!
At 78 -- What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you??? kind of parkinson disease & Alzemier disease have caught up with her....
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Hand In Hand
Laying underneath the stars,
On a warm silent night,
Your arms are wrapped around me,
And everything feels right.
You kiss me sweet and softly
I feel your warm gentle touch
You help me feel protected
Under the sweet night sky rush
My world before me is perfect.
There's nowhere else I want to be
Except laying underneath the stars
Hand in hand, you and me
Just when everything is perfect
And you seem so delicately sweet,
A rush of wind comes past me
As I'm swept beneath my feet
Nothing could be more right
There's nowhere else I want to be.
Let's take a walk my only love,
Hand in hand, you and me
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Thinking of You
In my heart
is where you'll stay
thinking about you
each and every day.
Some things that happened
were beyond my control
it hurts sometimes
but I had to let go.
Our love was strong
it felt so real
sometimes I questioned
the things you feel.
There are no regrets
not one, it's true
but God only knows
the reasons we're through.
Be filled with laughter
and maybe some smiles
sending warm wishes
along all these miles. |
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I'm Gonna Love You
As long as you love me
I'll stay by your side
I'll be your companion
Your friend and your guide
As long as you love me
As long as you care
I'll do anything for you
I'll go anywhere
I'll bring you the sunshine
I'll comfort your fears
I'll gather up rainbows
To chase all your tears
As long as forever
My love will be true
For as long as you love me
I'll only love you
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The Angels will Cry
The angels in heaven cried silently
They wept their tears of gold
They saw us part our ways
Yet they saw us in future grow old
My soul cried along with them
A million tears I shed
My soul cried out its longing
For it now felt as if it were dead
But after all this time
I asked why my soul was still in pain
They told me the angels continue to cry
The tears that fall are all in vain
For I am without you
Without holding you in my arms
My soul is still yearning
My soul is still in pain
For the angels will stop crying
Once I stop trying to pretend
This emptiness I feel without you
I will love you until the end
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With You
It creeps from the shadows
Sends chills through your spine
Blows soft like the wind
Then thickens with time
It抯 a feeling of longing
An insatiable lust
It can turn sand into gold
Or ashes to dust
You抳e been through the latter
And always wished to see gold
But it抯 your decision to make
On which one you抣l hold
Is it the end result?
Or the journey you seek
For the journey could be amazing
But the end could be bleak
I prefer the journey
For there抯 much that we could do
But I抎 gladly go through either
As long as it抯 with you
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Giving Up On Love
I've decided to give up today
On what I've tried to start
Passion fills my memories
And failure fills my heart
Deep down I know the feelings
And its true they'll never change
Even if you hated me
My love would still remain
I now sit here regretting
For what could've been in reach
Today I see there's nothing left
What could've been achieved
Now as time starts winding down
I think my chance is gone
I sought to have what I could not
My dusk has turned to dawn
I know that you don't realize
The truth held in my heart
But the truth is that I love you
And I've loved you from the start
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Forever In Your Eyes
My heart grows ever fonder
My love is warmer than the sun
I've been saving all my love
For I'm certain you're the one
The star in my constellation
You're the one who I adore
My feelings run so deep
And simply cannot be ignored
With you I am in heaven
I feel so alive and free
Your love flows through my veins
Into the heart and soul of me
My love can only be measured
By the highest mountain peak
My life has found new meaning
Each and every day of the week
I have found my perfect love
Such a love I've never known
You became a welcome resident
When you called my heart your home
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10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
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Love Quote Of The Day
"I didn't mean to fall for you but my heart didn't let me choose ... it never does."
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BLONDE COOKBOOK
MONDAY:
It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.
TUESDAY:
Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper.
WEDNESDAY:
A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice any.
THURSDAY:
Today Tom asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden.
FRIDAY:
I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.
SATURDAY:
Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy). For some reason Tom keeps counting to ten.
SUNDAY:
Tom's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.
GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY.
This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with chocolate moose. |
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The Blonde Kidnapper
A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote a note.
"I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park at 7 AM."
Signed, "The Blonde."
She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home.
The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed inside the bag with the cash was the following note....
"Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another." |
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Category: Negeri & Negara
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Author
Post time 25-4-2007 02:25 PM
