Hawk's Corner - Jokes and Romantic Stories n Quotations

TheHawk

TheHawk

TheHawk

TheHawk

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[ Last edited by  kecubung at 12-7-2007 11:14 AM ]

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TheHawk

Little Johnny

Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother, "Mommy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane........"

At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story.

Johnny started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army."

Moral of the story: Sometimes you need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt.

TheHawk

FAX Msg

An American, a Japanese, and a Singh were sitting naked in the sauna.
Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm and
the beeping stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That's my
pager," he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm." A few
minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese lifted his palm to his ear. When
he finished he explained, "That's my mobile phone.I have a microchip in
my hand. The Singh felt low-tech and inferior. He didn't know what to do to
be as impressive as the American & the Japanese. He decided to take a
break in the toilet. When he returned, he didn't realize that there was a
piece of toilet paper got stuck and hanging from his ass. The others raised
their eyebrows and said, "Wow! What's that?" Instead to be embarrassed,
inspiration struck his mind. The Singh explained, "I'm getting a FAX."

TheHawk

Surrogate Father


The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.

On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife
good-bye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."

"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been
expecting you."

"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you
know babies are my specialty?"

"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a
seat" After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room
floor is fun. You can really spread out there."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and
me!"

"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we
try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles,
I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in
and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."

"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his
baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.

"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider her
mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the
job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a
good look."

"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

"Yes", the photographer replied. And for more than three hours, too. The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly
concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.

Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had
to pack it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your,
um... equipment?"

"It's true, Ma'am, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and
we can get to work right away."

"Tripod?"

"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much
too big to be held in the hand very long."

Mrs. Smith fainted.

kecubung

Ada sekali tu ketua kampung orang asli telah dihadiahkan jam dinding oleh pihak tentera kerana menolong mereka dalam operasi. Alangkah bangganya ketua orang asli tersebut bila jam tersebut digantungkan di depan pintu rumahnya dan orang kampung sering datang melihat jam tersebut seolah-olah barang hiasan kerana mereka pada masa tu tak tahu bagaimana menggunakan jam untuk melihat waktu.

Suatu hari anak ketua kampung tersebut memberitahunya yang jarum jam tu telah berhenti bergerak. Masa tu punyalah ramai anak buah dia kat halaman rumah sedang melihat jam tersebut.Maka ketua kampung tu pun konon nak tunjuk terrorlah lalu dia pun menurunkan jam tersebut dari tempat penggantungan dan membelek-belek jam tersebut depan belakang. Beliau ternampak tempat bateri jam tersebut dan telah dengan tidak sengaja terkuis bateri itu terkeluar dari tempatnya.Entah macam mana ada pulak bangkai seekor cicak di celah-celah tempat bateri tu...beliau pun dengan bangganya memberitahu kepada anak-anak buahnya.
"OOOO...patutlah tak jalan. Drebarnya mati tershepittttt. ...!!"

kecubung

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Mon Jul 16, 2007 10:06AM EDT


BERLIN (Reuters) - A German bus driver threatened to throw a 20-year-old sales clerk off his bus in the southern town of Lindau because he said she was too sexy, a newspaper reported Monday.

"Suddenly he stopped the bus," the woman named Debora C. told Bild newspaper. "He opened the door and shouted at me 'Your cleavage is distracting me every time I look into my mirror and I can't concentrate on the traffic. If you don't sit somewhere else, I'm going to have to throw you off the bus.'"

The woman, pictured in Bild wearing her snug-fitting summer clothes with the plunging neckline, said she moved to another seat but was humiliated by the bus driver.

A spokesman for the bus company defended the driver.

"The bus driver is allowed to do that and he did the right thing," the spokesman said. "A bus driver cannot be distracted because it's a danger to the safety of all the passengers."

TheHawk

Originally posted by kecubung at 19-7-2007 10:39 AM
Ada sekali tu ketua kampung orang asli telah dihadiahkan jam dinding oleh pihak tentera kerana menolong mereka dalam operasi. Alangkah bangganya ketua orang asli tersebut bila jam tersebut digant ...

:bg:

TheHawk

Originally posted by kecubung at 19-7-2007 11:44 AM
http://i60.photobucket.com/albums/h39/deliima/ShowLetter1.jpg