CariDotMy

 Forgot password?
 Register

ADVERTISEMENT

Author: TheHawk

Hawk's Corner - Jokes and Romantic Stories n Quotations

[Copy link]
Post time 13-11-2007 10:40 PM | Show all posts
Originally posted by kecubung at 2-10-2007 01:12 PM
Favorite Quote from Samy Velu

1)    Samy Velu on pos laju "BESOK KIRIM, HARI INI SAMPAI"
2)    The one on TV when in trying to say he was ashamed, he said:`Kemaluan saya besar`
3)    On drugs, "Jangan hisap dada"
4)    Samy said in a ceramah "Kita akan bina satu jambatan untuk orong-orong kampong disini", one pakcik asked, "Datuk,
       sini takde sungai,buat apa bina  jambatan?" and Samy glorious replied,"Kalau takde sungai, kita bina sungai!"
5)    Samy's favorite quote on national television "Toll naik sikit, manyak marah saya. You ingat semua ini toll saya punya
       bapa  punya kah!"
6)    During the water shortage crisis : "semua orang diminta jgn membuang aiyerr..!"
7)    During blood donation campaign in Sg Siput: "..marilah kita semua menderma dara.."
8)    During the opening speech of various function: "...selamat datang  saudara-mara semua.." (actually is "saudara-saudari" )
9)    At an opening ceremony: "mempersilakan datin paduka rafidah aziz naik ke pentas utk membuka kain"
10)  Commenting about his modesty: "sebenarnya, kemaluan saya sangat-sangat besar"

And lastly u know why our N-S Highway concessionaire is named PLUS.

PLUS = Pungut Lebih Untuk Samy




  LOL
Reply

Use magic Report


ADVERTISEMENT


Post time 13-11-2007 10:42 PM | Show all posts
[quote]Originally posted by holmes at 24-8-2007 04:24 PM
"Ini adalah kejadian yang betul
Reply

Use magic Report

Post time 13-11-2007 10:45 PM | Show all posts
Originally posted by LailaTempawan at 13-11-2007 10:40 PM

9)    At an opening ceremony: "mempersilakan datin paduka rafidah aziz naik ke pentas utk membuka kain"
10)  Commenting about his modesty: "sebenarnya, kemaluan saya sangat-sangat besar"



  LOL


walllaueeeeeee
Reply

Use magic Report

 Author| Post time 14-11-2007 01:20 PM | Show all posts
Divorce Letter

Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers later that night. You came home, nibbled at your food for two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex anymore or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me. Whichever is the case, I'm gone.

Signed,
Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your sister and I are moving away to West Virginia together. Have a great life!

>------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------


Dear Ex-Husband:

Nothing has made my day more enjoyable than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a 'good man' is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. It's just too bad it doesn't work.

Yes, I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, and actually the first thing that came to my mind was "You look just like a girl". But my mother raised me not to say anything at all if you can't say anything nice. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was just a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your silk boxers were $49.99...

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for twenty million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Hawaii. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you've always wanted.

My lawyer said with the letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed:
Rich As Hell and Freeeeeeeeeeee!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but my sister 'Carla', was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem for you
.
Reply

Use magic Report

 Author| Post time 14-11-2007 01:22 PM | Show all posts
Divorce Letter

Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers later that night. You came home, nibbled at your food for two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't want sex anymore or anything. Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me. Whichever is the case, I'm gone.

Signed,
Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your sister and I are moving away to West Virginia together. Have a great life!

>------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------


Dear Ex-Husband:

Nothing has made my day more enjoyable than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a 'good man' is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. It's just too bad it doesn't work.

Yes, I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, and actually the first thing that came to my mind was "You look just like a girl". But my mother raised me not to say anything at all if you can't say anything nice. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was just a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your silk boxers were $49.99...

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for twenty million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Hawaii. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you've always wanted.

My lawyer said with the letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed:
Rich As Hell and Freeeeeeeeeeee!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but my sister 'Carla', was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem for you
.
Reply

Use magic Report

Post time 14-11-2007 02:08 PM | Show all posts
Seorang pemuda lugu yang akan menikah mendatangi kakeknya yang juga seorang tabib untuk berkonsultasi.

Pemuda : "Kek, sebentar lagi saya akan menikah, saya ingin Kakek memberikan nasehat-nasehat untuk menghadapi malam nanti"

Kakek : "Menurut Kakek, kamu harus memberi pengalaman yang tidak dapat dilupakan oleh istrimu. Begini .. untuk memuaskan istrimu, kamu harus  memperbesar alat vitalmu  agar istrimu menjerit-jerit nikmat. Dan itu caranya mudah"

Pemuda : "Wah ... gimana caranya Kek ? " tanya sipemuda bersemangat.

Kakek : "Kamu harus merendam alat vitalmu dalam air teh setiap malam sampai sehari sebelum pertempuran"

Pemuda : "Wow ... dengan syarat semudah itu saya pasti bisa membuat istri saya menggelepar-gelepar merasakan nikmatnya pukulan softball" seru si pemuda sambil membayangkan bagaimana jadinya istrinya jika terkena serangan alat vitalnya yang diharapkan menjadi sebesar pukulan softball.

Sang pemuda pun melakukan apa yang dinasihatkan oleh Kakeknya. Ia merendam alat vitalnya kedalam segelas air teh setiap malam. Ketika malam pertama setelah perkawinan sedang berlangsung, tiba-tiba terdengar jerit si istri pengantin
baru.

Sang kakek membatin, "Wah pasti cucuku sedang memamerkan senjatanya dan istrinya pasti menjerit karena kagum.". Tetapi jeritan itu ternyata bukan jerit nikmat, tetapi jerit kesedihan.

Spontan sang Kakek mendobrak pintu kamar dan mendapati cucunya sedang terdiam lemas sedang istrinya menunjuk-nunjuk ke arah alat vital suaminya yang ternyata...walaupun panjang tetapi hanya sebesar pinsil.

Kakek : "Cu, alat vitalmu hanya sebesar pinsil. Kan Kakek sudah bilang, kamu harus merendamnya kedalam air teh setiap malam"

Pemuda : "Benar Kek, saya merendamnya setiap malam kedalam air teh"

Kakek : "Air teh apa ?"

Pemuda : "SLIMMING TEA" - MUSTIKA RATU...........






Reply

Use magic Report

Follow Us
 Author| Post time 14-11-2007 03:04 PM | Show all posts
Title: Young and pretty lady wishes to marry a rich guy. Fantastic reply
from a financial person

A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:

Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?

I'm going to be honest of what I'm going to say here. I'm 25 this year. I'm
very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k
annual salary or above. You might say that I'm greedy, but an annual salary
of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York. My requirement is
not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual
salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry
rich persons like you? Among those I've dated, the richest is $250k annual
income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to
move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden
(?), $250k annual income is not enough.

I'm here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the
names and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I've
met a few girls who doesn't have looks and are not interesting, but they
are able to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be
your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)

Ms. Pretty
Reply

Use magic Report

 Author| Post time 14-11-2007 03:05 PM | Show all posts
Here's a reply from a Wall Street Financial guy:

Dear Ms. Pretty,

I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls
out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyze
your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than
$500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I'm
not wasting time here.

From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry
you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside,
what you're trying to do is an exchange of "beauty" and "money": Person A
provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However,
there's a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not
be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from
year to year, but you can't be prettier year after year. Hence from the
viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a
depreciation asset. It's not just normal depreciation, but exponential
depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried
10 years later

By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating
with you is also a "trading position". If the trade value dropped we will
sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term ? same goes with
the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order
to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be
sold or "leased". Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we
would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you
forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could
make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has
better chance than finding a rich fool.

Hope this reply helps. If you are interested in "leasing" services, do
contact me

signed,
J.P. Morgan
Reply

Use magic Report


ADVERTISEMENT


 Author| Post time 14-11-2007 03:34 PM | Show all posts
EIGHT  LIES OF A MOTHER~

1.The story began when I was a child;  

I was born as a son of a poor family.
Even for eating,  we often got lack of food.
Whenever the time for eating,  mother often gave me her portion of rice.
While she was  removing her rice into my bowl,
she would say "Eat this  rice, son. I'm not hungry".
That was Mother's First  Lie



2.When I was  getting to grow up,
the persevering mother gave her spare  time for fishing in a river near our house,
she hoped that  from the fishes she got,
she could gave me a little bit  nutritious food for my growth.
After fishing, she would  cook the fishes to be a fresh fish soup,
which raised my  appetite. While I was eating the soup,
mother would sit  beside me and eat the rest meat of fish,
which was still  on the bone of the fish I ate.
My heart was touched when I  saw it.
I then used my chopstick and gave the other fish  to her.
But she immediately refused it and said "Eat this  fish, son.
I don't really like fish."
That was Mother's Second  Lie.


3.Then, when I  was in Junior High School,
to fund my study,
mother  went to an economic enterprise to bring some used-matches  boxes that would be stuck in.
It gave her some money for  covering our needs.
As the winter came,
I woke up from  my sleep and looked at my mother who was still awoke,  

supported by a little candlelight and within her   erseverance she continued
the work of sticking some  used-matches box.
I said, "Mother, go to sleep, it's late,  

tomorrow morning you still have to go for work.
"  Mother smiled and said "Go to sleep,
dear. I'm not tired."  

That was Mother's Third  Lie.

4.At the time of final term,  

mother asked for a leave from her work in order to  accompany me.
While the daytime was coming and the heat of  the sun was starting to shine,
the strong and persevering  mother
waited for me under the heat of the sun's shine for  several hours.
As the bell rang, which indicated that the  final exam had finished,
mother immediately welcomed me  and poured me a glass of tea
that she had prepared before  in a cold bottle.
The very thick tea was not as thick as  my mother's love,
which was much thicker. Seeing my mother  covering with perspiration,
I at once gave her my glass  and asked her to drink too.
Mother said "Drink, son. I'm  not thirsty!".
That was  Mother's Fourth Lie.

5.After the death of  my father because of illness,
my poor mother had to play  her role as a single parent.
By held on her former job,  she had to fund our needs alone.
Our family's life was  more complicated. No days without sufferance.
Seeing our  family's condition that was getting worse,
there was a  nice uncle who lived near my house came to help us,
either  in a big problem and a small problem.
Our other neighbors  who lived next to us saw that our family's life was so  unfortunate,
they often advised my mother to marry again.  But mother,
who was stubborn, didn't care to their advice,  

she said "I don't need love."
That was Mother's Fifth  Lie.


Reply

Use magic Report

 Author| Post time 14-11-2007 03:35 PM | Show all posts
Cont


6.After I had  finished my study and then got a job, it was the time for  my old mother to retire.
But she didn't want to; she was  sincere to go to the marketplace every morning, just to  sell some vegetable for fulfilling her needs. I, who  worked in the other city, often sent her some money to help  her in fulfilling her needs, but she was stubborn for not  accepting the money.
She even sent the money back to me. S
he said "I have enough money."
That was Mother's Sixth Lie.  


7.After graduated from Bachelor Degree,
I then continued my study to Master Degree. I took the  degree, which was funded by a company through a scholarship rogram, from a famous University in America. I  finally worked in the company. Within a quite high salary, I intended to take my mother to enjoy her life in  America. But my  lovely mother didn't want to bother her son,
she said to  me "I'm not used to."
That was Mother's Seventh  Lie.


8.After entering  her old age, mother got a flank cancer and had to be  hospitalized.
I, who lived in miles away and across the  ocean, directly went home to visit my dearest mother.
She lied down in weakness on her bed after having an  operation. Mother, who looked so old, was staring at me in  deep yearn. She tried to spread her smile on her face; even it looked so stiff because of the disease she held  out. It was clear enough to see how the disease broke my  mother's body, thus she looked so weak and thin. I  stared at my mother within tears flowing on my face. My  heart was hurt, so hurt, seeing my mother on that condition.  
But mother, with her strength, said "Don't cry, my dear.
I'm not in pain."
That was Mother's Eight Lie.  



After saying her eighth lie, She closed her eyes  forever


[ Last edited by  TheHawk at 14-11-2007 03:44 PM ]
Reply

Use magic Report

Post time 14-11-2007 03:43 PM | Show all posts
Reply

Use magic Report

 Author| Post time 14-11-2007 03:52 PM | Show all posts
Originally posted by Hane at 14-11-2007 03:43 PM


Kenapa tu Hane?
Reply

Use magic Report

Post time 14-11-2007 03:59 PM | Show all posts
Originally posted by TheHawk at 14-11-2007 03:52 PM


Kenapa tu Hane?


''After saying her eighth lie, She closed her eyes  forever''

somehow it touches me.. arrggghhhhh





*emo sekejap
Reply

Use magic Report

 Author| Post time 14-11-2007 04:08 PM | Show all posts
Originally posted by Hane at 14-11-2007 03:59 PM


''After saying her eighth lie, She closed her eyes  forever''

somehow it touches me.. arrggghhhhh





*emo sekejap   


It's the truth isn't it? Most mothers do lie to their children in a nice way!
Reply

Use magic Report

Post time 14-11-2007 04:23 PM | Show all posts

Reply #574 TheHawk's post

haah
Reply

Use magic Report

Post time 14-11-2007 04:50 PM | Show all posts

Reply #574 TheHawk's post

uncle hawk ani eh...

apa tah ole2 dari hawai,florida, new york..london kebab.. eh.. salah.. london.. abar nya keliling dunia..
Reply

Use magic Report


ADVERTISEMENT


Post time 14-11-2007 04:52 PM | Show all posts

Reply #574 TheHawk's post

uncle hawk ani eh...

apa tah ole2 dari hawai,florida, new york..london kebab.. eh.. salah.. london.. abar nya keliling dunia..
Reply

Use magic Report

Post time 14-11-2007 04:56 PM | Show all posts

Che'gu Berahim dan Man Dol

PART I

Che'gu Berahim sedang mengendali kelasnya dalam aktiviti sukan di padang
sekolah. Seperti biasa, Che'gu Berahim akan menyuruh murid瞡ya melakukan
regangan otot. Tiba di satu bahagian, dimana murid
Reply

Use magic Report

Post time 14-11-2007 04:57 PM | Show all posts

Che'gu Berahim dan Man Dol

sowi..double posted hei

[ Last edited by  luntur at 14-11-2007 11:13 PM ]
Reply

Use magic Report

Post time 14-11-2007 04:58 PM | Show all posts
hmm... koq posting gue di telan oleh server
Reply

Use magic Report

You have to log in before you can reply Login | Register

Points Rules

 

ADVERTISEMENT


Forum Hot Topic

 

ADVERTISEMENT


 


ADVERTISEMENT
Follow Us

ADVERTISEMENT


Mobile|Archiver|Mobile*default|About Us|CariDotMy

19-12-2024 07:07 AM GMT+8 , Processed in 0.163821 second(s), 27 queries , Gzip On, Redis On.

Powered by Discuz! X3.4

Copyright © 2001-2021, Tencent Cloud.

Quick Reply To Top Return to the list