Kahwin Tapi Tak Cinta.... (Kini Cinta Mula Berputik.. Pg 13)

acikia

betol2. kalu bleh nak berkemban jer .

faraway1

Originally posted by dayana29 at 5-4-2009 19:19


srius ana pelik dgn knyataan ni dari dulu lg.......tak mustahil kan takde rasa cinta ssama pasangan tapi anak berderet

jgk.......lebih lg klau kperluan idup smua cukup dan bleh bmewah lg. ...

me tak tau.. me tak pernah kenal org yg
camni..... thanks god kerana buat me tak bergaul ngan org camni...

kalau tak cinta, lantaklah bukan masalah me pun..
yg me nobatkan raja lawak sedunia ni dahlah tak cinta
lagi mau berkokok bagitau orang..
masa kahwin ada tanya pendapat org...
dah ngandungkan anak orang baru
nak kata tak cinta...
bayangkan kalau ini berlaku kat anak dara u mahupun bakal anak dr madu u..
apa u rasa...

Core

Originally posted by pakuu_pakiss at 5-4-2009 13:20


late 20's...

if you're in late 20s then, its considered way a little bit green to actually breath and digest the whole concept of marriage. It takes one hell of a sacrifice and patience is definitely something that you ought to hold tight each day, every single second. You seemed to have portrayed yourself as someone who is well-organized and go along as planned but somehow, in this case, you've, in fact are still taking life and future as whatever will be, will be. And you just go along with. You knew from the very first beginning that your wife was not someone that you would have a chemistry with and you could have just quit by then, but you decided that maybe a joy in a bundle would help bringing back the bond and suddenly you were gulping at this sight of a not-so-pleasant figure that seems to be gradually growing bigger each day. And you loathed the view, when other respectable men here in this board would see it as sexy, cute, desirable, whatever and its because they know what they see, its a precious sight of motherhood. But you don't, because you are like living in an illusion that your wife is mrs-body-perfect with all the curves resting at the right places., mrs knows-it-all, mrs wonderful-cook and would grab anything from the fridge and stir it all and end up with dishes suit to be served in any fine candlelight get together.

If you were so happened not have any hint of chemistry, then why bother sowing the seed symbolizing your love together, just for a thought that well, maybe a baby would help, and what if it doesn't and things go bitter and bitter each day until you can't even feel her presence or hear her breathing by your side every night? what you gonna do? keep making babies, hoping that one day things will change? And she's going to be  out of shape year by year and you're going to be more miserable because she has not even reached the lowest point of your expectation. And you keep doing things on your own, hoping she will finally get it that this is what the laundry should be done or this is how you cook vegetables, and you are just keep doing it forcefully and end up feeling exhausted just because she is not what you have wanted in the first place. And you tried every damned way to find her flaws and weaknesses as more reasons to confirm that.

And as an escapade, you'll resort to some other places, having a fling with someone else who are your eyes candy and leave her cold and lonely at night. Chances are, most likely a definite, you're going to destroy her, your poor kids and your ownself. Because you have been selfish and self-centered, thinking that she is not my type and will never be and you have damned planted that in your mind from the first night of your wedding.

Remember the phrase "love is blind" and its been living through decades because its a fact that if you really love someone, you'll take her or him above everything, and you will be blinded by their weaknesses and flaws or defects simple because LOVE CONQUERS ALL.

[ Last edited by  Core at 6-4-2009 08:43 ]

digitizer

macam-macam masalah.............

ev700

Originally posted by pakuu_pakiss at 5-4-2009 12:05
Dah setahun aku kahwin.. tapi perasaan cinta susah sgt nak hadir..
Bila bejauhan ada la rasa rindu sikit2.. mcm2 imagine nak buat dgn isteri, tapi bila balik rumah tgk muka isteri terus hilang m ...

pakupakis...

i dah baca semua yr post dan tiba2 rasa sayu lak.... Tika mula2 dialam perkahwinan, my hubby was exactly like u, romantika aspect mmg 0%, cuma bezanya there was an abundance love in our marriage.  i mcm yr wife, suka menangis, merajuk dan manja, terbawak my perangai anak bongsu yg dimanjakan oleh 7 abang dan kakak, while my hubby lak.. i can say mcm youlah, comes from a family yg public display of love ni mcm a sin to them. Dia lak masuk asrama since 13y.o.

Kami kawin masa hubby umor 20, i still belasan. MAsalah terbesar kami adalah hubby rasa segan dgn kwn2 yg kami dah dia dah kawin tp yg lain2 masih bujang. Mat metal tiba2 kena jadik mat jiwang, mana boleh, kan? so i banyak menjeruk rasa, air mata teman setia, dan dia lak, wanted me to berubah ikut cara dia and vice versa.  Tapi...To cut the story short, it has been more than 12 yrs now and i can say that hari ini my hubby is the most romantik person i've ever met.

Kalau nak tulis mmg panjang, paku, but, only one thing i nak share dgn u, apa yg kita nak dlm dunia ni kita kena usaha, tidak ada yg bulat akan datang bergolek dan yg pipih akan datang melayang. Mintak pd yr wife, you perlukan sedikit masa dan adjustment utk jadik lebih romantik sebagaimana yg dia inginkan and at the same time, dia pun kena ubah skit sikap suka merajuk dan menangis dia. Benda ni takkan work out tanpa kerjasama drpd dua2 pihak.

Now u sbg hubby, u kena initiate  the move skit. Try to swallow yr ego. itu yg terbaik yg u boleh lakukan utk yr wife at the moment.  Mmg susah skit. My first chocolate and flower from my hubby were a 70% off turkish delight ( on sale at woolworth)...  pastu bunga matahari plastic from poundland, wrapped in brown paper.  mmg lansung takde romantika value, but his effort tu yg buatkan that was my sweetest 1st week as his wife.

Now, the least you can do is try to pin point kelebihan dan keserasian antara both of you, bukannya the negatives aspect. Lupakan psl tiada cinta kerna bukan kerja kita mewujudkan rasa cinta itu. Allah yg pegang hati kita dan Allah boleh kurniakan rasa cinta atau tarik ianya semula  in a blink of an eye. Kerja kita adalah usaha, tanpa putus asa. Amalkan doa rabitah dan bila tiba part 'hati-hati kami' tu bayangkan wajah isteri u. Good luck pakupakis masak lemak plus udang...

kunnut

en paku...
aku taknak komen lebey2 masalah ko ni...
org tgh pregnant ni perangai dia pelik sket....
ni kes pembawaan budak....
kdg2 jadi pemalas yg amat, kdg2 jadik rajin,
berile peluang pas dia bersalin automatik dia tau t/jwb dia pada en paku,umahtgga n anak2...
lagipun br setahun kawin mmg le byk kekurangan....
bukan semua pompuan terus jadi surirumah yg berjaya....

aryssaharris

syukurla my hubby, eventho he is a perfectionist, tapi, idakla selfish mcm yg night citer atau cam kisah tuan rumah dlm thread ni...

masih terlalu muda usia perkahwinan tuan rumah..kenapa cepat sgt nak give up? suami yg baik takkan mudah mengalah dalam mendidik isteri..cuba tanya isteri2 di luar..berapa ramai antara mereka yg terpaksa bersabar dan bersabar dlm mendidik suami dan mengharapkan suami mereka berubah...cume, bezanya, dorang tu isteri..talak bukan di tgn mereka..

dalam keadaan isteri u sarat ni..tak apa2 nak mengalah buat seketika uruskan rumahtangga..apala sgt pengorbanan u nak uruskan hal ehwal rumahtangga dibandingkan sakit pening ur wife mengandungkan benih u all selama 9 bulan 9 hari..

Tak nafikan, kkdg org lelaki suka mengkomplekskan keadaan..maksudnya benda yg simple adakalanya dipersusahkan..cthnya, di kala isteri mengandung atau pantang..still nak expect makan sedap2...to tell u the truth, kkdg org peknen, deria rasa pon berkurang..nak adjust masak makanan jadi sedap pon tak semestinya selalunya menjadi..

Jadi, kalu tuan rumah still mendambakan kesempurnaan, apa salahnya keluar duit sedikit makan kat luar..kalu time2 cenggini pon nak pikirkan jimat cermat..baik tuan rumah sendiri yg memasak utk somi isteri makan...

Dan lagi, isteri u di zaman anak dara adakah dia seorang yg pandai memasak? to be honest, i mmg jarang ke dapur sblm kawen..tapi, my hubby tak kisah, sabar ajar me memasak di awal perkahwinan..kerja rumah kami buat sama2...walaupon dia keje professional, tetap mop lantai, sidai kain dan cuci bilik air segala...tidakla dia berfikiran sempit nak berfikir yg kerja2 rumah ni adalah tanggungjawab isteri sahaja!

Kalu dalam isteri peknen pon u rasa sukar utk menerima kekurangan..i bet, u must be under pressure bila isteri u dalam pantang...

[ Last edited by  aryssaharris at 6-4-2009 10:19 ]

my-alja

i preggy...takleh bau minyak
dr minyak masak sampai minyak petrol

tu i kata, tuan rumah nie selfish
dia igt senang nak bawak janin dia dlm badan isteri
setengah org preggy lagi huduh dr waktu2 biasa
memang normal kannn
tapi sebab takdak ilmu dan kurang empathy
tu yg nampak semua keburukkan dr bini

i got married to someone ....so-called perfectionist
well organised, well plan and etc, etc
mana pergi semua kualiti u yg best2 tu bila dah masuk alam nie
plan ahead...dah tahu kahwin takdak cinta, pupuk dulu rasa tu
dan patutnya dlm stage camni....tunggu dulu sebelum dpt zuriat
communicate dgn wife...honeymoon dulu barang 1-2 thn
baru plan dpt baby.....
baby memang rezeki.....tapi mental mak/ayah kena stabil
blom keluar tgk dunia...baby dah terganggu emosi dia
memang tak bertanggungjawb laaa
huh....termarah plak

kunnut

tulah....aku pun klu time pregnant bau dapur pun tak nak....
klu boleh nak jer hubby peluk selalu bagi kata2 semangat...
hubby pun jenis perfectionis, tapi alhamdulillah masa2 mcm ni dia belajar memahami.....
semua keja umah dia tlg smpi ler sy abis pantang.....

limauais

kalo nak dihormati, ko kene la hormat org lain dlu...
kalo nak disygi, ko kene syg org dlu...
in order to change, you have to change first...


Sebaik2 suami adalah yang paling lembut terhadap isterinya… yang menjadi pemimpin dan pelindung..

Sebaik2 isteri ialah yang membahagiakanmu apabila kamu memandangnya,

menjaga hartamu dan kehormatannya apabila kau tiada…

“Tanggung jawab yang disulam dengan cinta yg ikhlas mencetuskan semangat dan keinginan yg tinggi untuk melakukan yang terbaik buat keluarga serta mengeratkan lagi hubungan kekeluargaan berbanding tanggungjawab sekadar melepaskan batuk di tangga..” pepatah yg aku reka…hehe…

mungkin bagi ko cinta tu tak penting...sebab ko same kan dengan nafsu.. (lust)
tapi ade yg berpendapat cinta tu murni, memberi tanpa mengharap balasan...
dan cinta ni menjadikan hidup ini lebih indah,ceria berwarna warni...
ko pun mesti bahagia bila tengok wife ko gembira dan ketawa...
so gi balik ngorat bini ko!  


kebiasaan nya perempuan selepas kawen hendak bercinta dengan suami
maklumlah sebelum kawen, ade batasan yg perlu dijaga
ko kene la faham naluri perempuan...
bukan nak 24 jam, tapi sekali sekala ingin merasa dirinya dimanja,disayangi..dicintai...
kalo tak buat pe kawen kan... boleh je hidup berdikari tanpa laki..
ramai org  mengejar harta dunia
tapi membiarkan keluarganya ketandusan kasih syg
sedangkan kasih syg tak memerlukan bayaran...cume hati yg ikhlas...

[ Last edited by  limauais at 6-4-2009 10:37 ]

pakuu_pakiss

Originally posted by ev700 at 6-4-2009 09:33

pakupakis...

i dah baca semua yr post dan tiba2 rasa sayu lak.... Tika mula2 dialam perkahwinan, my hubby was exactly like u, romantika aspect mmg 0%, cuma bezanya there was an abundance lo ...

...........amalkan doa rabitah

tima kasih ev700... boleh aku tanya, doa rabitah tu mcm mana? mind to share?

limauais

isteri ko dh balik ke belum...?

halangan terbesar sebenarnye adalah diri ko...
kalo ko nak hidup ko berubah ke arah lebih baik...
ko kene la berubah...

someBODYtoldME

My marriage awal2 dulu pun lebih kurang cam ni jugak. memula, kunun macam tarak feelings. walaupun kawin sebab suka sama suka. tapi there's no love. no more spark. maybe sebab couple lama2. Ataupun aku dah annoyed dgn perangai dia.I kept thinking of getting out of the marriage, tapi. once laki nk ada gf, baru sedar yang deeeeep inside, i still love him. After what had happened, this year, kami balik macam baru mula2 kenal dulu.

So, incik paku pakis, Since u're wife tgh pregnant. Penat dia bawak anak tu ke hulu ke hilir, try to love your wife. kekadang kita ada rasa sayang, tapi tak sedar, sebab dah dikaburi dgn perangai2 dia yang kita rimas/tak suka;so, the things that make u love her dulu jadi ilang ler.

Why not, lepas dia deliver the baby, u bawak dia gi salon ker, spa ker, shopping baju lawa2, it makes her happy n love u more i hope.. dah dia lawa tu, puji2 la.. baru ar dia pun semangat nak berlawa kat rumah.

[ Last edited by  someBODYtoldME at 6-4-2009 11:06 ]

pakuu_pakiss

Originally posted by Core at 6-4-2009 08:38


if you're in late 20s then, its considered way a little bit green to actually breath and digest the whole concept of marriage. It takes one hell of a sacrifice and patience is definitely some ...

..............Remember the phrase "love is blind" and its been living through decades because its a fact that if you really love someone, you'll take her or him above everything, and you will be blinded by their weaknesses and flaws or defects simple because LOVE CONQUERS ALL.

I appreciate ur concern Core... and you described me well enuf...though there r few a bit misleading but nevermind..
Anyway, what i wanna emphasize here is that... i know what love is... ya love is blind, i felt it... love is everything, i experienced it...

but that is not what i feel right now.. and it doesnt bother me at all if she doesnt demand for it... but ya, it's her right though, and everybody's right to wanting for love in marriage.. in fact i'm willing to learn and give it all sincerely... and that needs time and something i dun know what...

i'm trying.. im praying for it... and im begging God that for her sake, at least mercy her if not me.... lend me some love in my heart for her.. i want to love her desperately! but it doest seem to come just yet... and im not giving up on that...

the only thing that saddens me is just... it hurts her so much... and bit by bit, everything seems to get worse between us.. why is that so hard for me have a heart for her.... why? God.. I want to love her with all my heart... but i just dun know how anymore... pls help me..

bacteria82

Thanks Pakis sbb sudi berkongsi masalah. Banyak jugak yg aku dapat belajar daripada komen2 otai2 FD ni. Sebenarnya, aku x faham kenapa benda mcm ni boleh berlaku. Aku rasa org perempuan tu mmg fitrah mereka sgt sesuai utk lelaki dan menjadi pelengkap dalam kehidupan seorang lelaki. Mungkin sifat2 perfectionist dan selfish diri ko telah menafikan semua itu. Aku juga baru berkawen dalam setahun lebih begitu. Bini aku jugak bukanlah seorang perempuan yang reti memasak memandang dia anak bongsu dan agak manja dengan family dia. Tapi setelah berkahwin dengan aku, dia mula belajar2 utk memasak, menyediakan segala keperluan aku. Sekarang dunia moden, internet ade so di situlah dia belajar memasak, tgk resepi2, belajar menguruskan rumahtangga dan sebagainya. Aku dijadikan bahan ujian. Tapi aku terima segala masakan dia (walaupun kengkadang sgt x best) dan bermanis mulut utk memuji dia. Effort yang dilakukan sudah cukup utk melembutkan jiwa aku. Hargailah usaha yang bini kau buat untuk kau. Actually dalam dunia moden di mana isteri juga bekerja, takkan semua kerja2 rumah seperti memasak, mengemas rumah ko nak serahkan kat dia 100%? C'mon la, dah la dia berbadan dua. Patutnya waktu dia badan dua ni la ko patut uruskan segala urusan rumah. Bukan sekali skala turun padang mcm ko citer tu. Sepanjang isteriku mengandung, kerja2 memasak ni mmg menjadi rutin harian aku.

Aku harap ko dapat cuba2 utk menjadi romantik. Benda ni boleh dipelajari. Maklumat semua ada. Baca novel2 jiwang sket kalo perlu. Dah jadi suami org, upgradelah diri tu sket, takkan still nak kat takuk lama, zaman2 bujang tu. Berubah la sikit utk jadi lebih matang. Background family ko yg x elok tu jgn la diikuti dan dijadikan alasan utk ko buat benda yang sama. Waktu preggy ni, wife ko mmg perlukan lebih perhatian, lebih belaian dan mudah sentap. Tolong la wujudkan suasana romantis dalam family ko. Perlahan lahan perasaan cinta akan bertambah kuat. Waktu wife ko bersalin nanti, aku nak ko masuk dalam wad bersalin tu. Tgk mcm mane sengsaranya bini ko utk lahirkan zuriat ko. Waktu tu nanti baru ko faham pengorbanan seorang isteri. Biler lahir anak tu nanti, ko tataplah wajah anak ko dalam2 dan sematkan dalam diri ko utk jadi seorang ayah, seorang suami yg baik dan bertanggungjawab.

All da best and gud luck. Semoga perkahwinan ko berkekalan hingga akhir hayat. Benda halal yang paling Allah benci adalah TALAK. Berhati-hati dengan perkataan tersebut. Semoga kelahiran anak ko nanti akan mengeratkan ikatan kasih sayang dan cinta dengan wife ko.

Terima kasih kerana sudi membaca

[ Last edited by  bacteria82 at 6-4-2009 14:49 ]

KIM.mafia

tiba2 nampak bac kat cni

basikalgirl

sat nak tanya soalan... korang dah stat shopping utk baby belum nih?
kalu aku dulu, waktu pregnant, kami duk pikir pasal baby je memanjang...
siap beli buku pregnancy, buku baby 2 3, pastu laki aku pulak yang duk sebok menelaah pasal baby nih... cara nak pakai lampin, pegang baby sumer... aku pun banyak tatau jugak tapi aku buat2 tau bila hubby aku tanya macam2... rase best pulak bila ingat balik...

aku rasekan kau kan silap fokus isu...  kan tengah pregnant tu, so kena pikir pasal baby...
balik umah cuba kau stat senyum dulu... pastu lebihkan citer pasall anak...
pikir name anak same2 ke... hias bilik baby same2 ke... pastu beli baju baby same2 ke...
ambik kelas mengandung tu ke same2.... benda2 camni lah yang buleh pupuk perasaan sayang dan cinta...

True-X

soo cute,,

thanks for sharing pic of ur luvly dotter...

carold

alalalalal..cute nye baby dia..

BingkaUbi

besanya......org kalu kata dia kesiaannnnn kat wife dia, takkan ader terlintas pun nak ceraikan bini dia supaya bini dia blh cari laki lain......kecuali bini tuhhh sendri yg meloncat2 nak mintak cerai....

sepatutnya kalau betul dia ni lelaki baik dan sooooo kesian kat bini dia, dia sanggup sakitkan hati dia dgn cuba sedaya upaya dia kekalkan perkahwinan ini walaupun hakikatnya dia yg keciwa........sbb tuh ader setengah manusia blh kekal in marriage bkn sbb cinta tp sebab belas kasihan dlm diri tuhhhh.......sampai ke tahap, everything i do, i do it for u.....bkn atas dasar cinta tp more to belas kasihan, dgn belas kasihan akan ader la rasa tanggungjawab tuhh....


pada aku ler.......