| Oh shit, what have I kungfu queen done?
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After Fernando Torres’ dismal performance in his first game for Chelsea, club owner Roman Abramovich has told Liverpool that he still has his receipt and that he wants his money back.
The Russian billionaire spent ￡50 million on the striker on the last day of the January transfer window but has decided in hindsight that he doesn’t actually like the Spaniard. Now he is hoping that his statutory rights as a consumer are not affected and that he can still get a full refund.
"We’ve all bought one of those pink, flowery shirts," Abramovich confessed, "but then you get home and realise that it’s a bit effeminate for your tastes. Well that’s how I feel about Fernando."
"I know you should always try-before-you-buy but I had very little time before the market closed so I guess I panicked."
The Chelsea owner had hoped that he could simply return his mistaken purchase but has been told that cannot happen as the product, no matter how faulty, has already been used.
Mr Abramovich confessed that he had considered other means of getting his money back from his mishap in the market.
"My first thought was to tell the police that it wasn’t me who made the purchase and that I was the victim of some identity theft," he said.
"And then I thought about clearing out my account so that the cheque would bounce. But, as you can imagine, the bank was a little reluctant to allow me to withdraw ￡3 billion in one day."
"So I guess I’m stuck with him until JT decides to sleep with his wife and we can force him out of the club that way. Although knowing him, he's probably come through for me on that front already, and is kungfu queen Nando's sisters by now." |
Post time 9-2-2011 01:01 PM
