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BUHSANNYA BACA THREAD JANTAN LEMAH CAM NI... |
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Korang ni... korang dah tau skit2 camna bini aku buat selama ni, takat dlm forum ni apa nak terasanya... menyedarkan aku ada la.
Semlm pun dah gaduh, pasal nak celebrate 5th anniversary kitorg. ...
merz Post at 14-3-2010 09:55 
...u see...anniversary nie is just not a matter of u celebrating how long u guys have been together...it is also a day where u two reminisces the goods and the bads...the ups and downs times in your marriage...its a day where u two reflect on what u guys have done to make your marriage a good one...and what u guys havent done to make it better...
...u could have devised a plan or strategy to have a heart to heart talk ngan your wife selain daripada celebrating korang punya years of togetherness nie...instil kan sikit rasa kesedaran dan keinsafan kat dia di masa korang berdua merenung kisah2 silam yang telah korang berdua lalui...dan mana tau??...di saat2 begini akan jadi lembut hatinya??...
...bila aku cakap pasal heart to heart talk nie...aku tak bermaksud hanya sekadar ko bla bla bla bla dan dia plak yada yada yada yada...a heart to heart talk nie is totally different from your normal way of communicating with your spouse...cos ianya melibatkan the art of listening and assertiveness...besides that...korang berdua kenalah menghormati pasangan korang...baik dari segi pendapat maupun perasaan...
...bila ko nak have a heart to heart talk ngan isteri ko...ko kenalah amik into consideration a couple of other factors which can actually influenced the outcome of your communication attempt...factors such as...
1...hers and your moods....nie penting bro...mood mesti baik or at least time korang masing2 dalam keadaan tenang dan rational...cos u will be able to see things better in a calm and peaceful manner...and to make her mood good...u could have planned a nice anniversary getaway or something like that...
2...the environment or ambience yang korang berdua berada ketika nak berkomunikasi...nie pon penting jugak...cariklah tempat yang private...yang tenang dan conducive for a heart to heart talk...yang takde any form of distractions or noise...tiada gangguan from your kids...biar hati dan pikiran akan lebih tenang...
...perlu ko ingat...there are different form of communication also...and u have to identify which one yang ko nak adopt as your approach to problem solving nie...
...in resolving conflicts...u can either pilih tuk compromise or confront...so...kalau ko nak dan willing to compromise...then...your communication manner should be one that is more of trying to get your wife to work things out with u and cooperate with u in solving the problem...kalau ko pilih this type of communication...then...theres no need for u bringing evidences to show that she is guilty or is the problem maker...theres no need for any finger pointing or name calling or putting the blame on your wife...instead...its all about forgiving...its all about giving and taking...and at the same time....listing down and making clear to each other masing2 punya expectations...
...kalau ko nak bawak bukti2 dan evidences nie semua...then...cara begini is more of confrontation communication punya style lah....bila ko memilih tuk have confrontation nie...kadan2 your problems will get worse...cos most often...confrontation involves fault finding...blaming each other...passing sarcasms and name callings too...dan biasalah...bila dah kena tuduh itu ini...mestilah kita will get defensive...and when u are being defensive...it would be very difficult to get thru any form of messages to u...cos by that time...u would not want to listen to any reasoning at all...u will be focusing on how to defend yourself from getting all those blame...and as u have seen...thats what happened bila ko chose to menegur isteri ko melalui sindiran sinis ko...she got upset...and u guys ended up quarrelling...
...so...get your priority straight and rite before u decide to communicate with your wife...know what u want and how to achieve your goals...if u love your wife and your marriage...then do deflate sikit your balls and admit that u too have flawed...cos as it is...bukan dia saja yang bersalah dalam hal nie...ko jugak turut bersalah...your failure to curb her spendthrif habit nie telah membuat dia makin tripin' jauh...your wait and see attitude nie telah membuat dia lebih ganas with her spending madness...
...good luck bro... |
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Eh, kot aku x brp clear dlm post aku, aku layan projek pasal itu dah time tido... bukannya pasal nak layan projek, aku postpone apa aku nak buat.
Black, aku mmg terpikir nak gunakan peluang nih utk ...
merz Post at 15-3-2010 19:03  |
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Eh, kot aku x brp clear dlm post aku, aku layan projek pasal itu dah time tido... bukannya pasal nak layan projek, aku postpone apa aku nak buat.
Black, aku mmg terpikir nak gunakan peluang nih utk ...
merz Post at 15-3-2010 19:03
encik merz..
bila.. kami dah lama menunggu..
actually i rasa u ada banyak chances nak bagitau dia..cuma utk still nak tunggu masa yg lebih baik yg entah ada ke tak.. |
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suami yg baik akan sentiasa menegur isterinya , dgn niat nak membetulkan dgn ikhlas
tanpa niat menyalahkan..tapi utk kebaikan bersama |
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lalalalalalaa... aku baca posting pakcik merz ni sambil kunyah2 kacang botakkk...
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Merz, aku ada juga kawan yang wifenya mcm wife kau. cuma bezanya wife dia tak kerja (dulu kerja tapi resign bila ikut hubby ke obersee). asal orang felda. mungkin kejutan budaya dari tinggal dalam lad ...
JamesDaud Post at 17-3-2010 15:51 
james.. tak pe... pakcik merz ni cair kalo bini ni ofer serbis bagus... abis plan A ntah kemana.. plan B masuk dlm selimut.. |
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Merz, aku ada juga kawan yang wifenya mcm wife kau. cuma bezanya wife dia tak kerja (dulu kerja tapi resign bila ikut hubby ke obersee). asal orang felda. mungkin kejutan budaya dari tinggal dalam lad ...
JamesDaud Post at 17-3-2010 15:51 
JamesDaud muallaf ke? |
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mana kau tau? |
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Post Last Edit by merz at 18-3-2010 03:45
Adoi... tgh perang. Aku cakap dgn bini aku mlm tadi, terpekik2 dia habih umah2 keliling pun boleh dgr kot    :@  . Peduli kan le, asalkan bukan depan anak kecik kami.
Lepas makan, sambil relax2 tgk TV dgn baca paper, aku tanya. Tapi actually timing still x sesuai sgt pasal dia nak sambung buat keje ofis dia, ada mtg dgn big bos dia pg esok. Tp sampai bila nak tunggu perfect timing kan? Mcm2 je alasan aku.
Mula aku tanya pasal financial situation dia sejak dia bg tau dlm 4 bulan lepas yg CC dia dah 70k. Aku cakap la yg aku tau tgh sempit pasal kalau CC 70k, min pymt per mth dah 3.5k, personal loans kalau 1.5k, dah 5k total. Ada bbrp ratus je kot balance dr gaji bersih dia. Dia kata x nak cakap pasal hal ni, dia ada keje nak buat. Apasal x nak cakap masa wknd? Aku jwb la kita sibuk dgn urusan parents dia, lagipun x nak gaduh2 depan anak kecik kami. Lagipun benda ni dah berbulan2 dlm kepala, nak tunggu right timing sampai bila pun x pernah ada. Tu pasal aku cakap gak. Dia kata aku ni yg saja je cari gaduh dgn dia walaupun aku cakap elok2 dan cuba elakkan perli dia atau pakai perkataan2 yg sarcastic.
Dia kata hutang dia, biarla dia sendiri yg uruskan... apa hal aku nak nyibuk2 nih? Aku kata pasal dah bertahun2 pun tapi x improve, makin kronik ada la. Kalau ye pun nak tolong family, kena la sanggup sacrifice nafsu sendiri.
Ok, aku kata jawab 3 soalan ni jer. Bukan nak cari salah dia, aku cuma nak tau situasi dia. Padahal aku dah tau dah, nak dia ngaku je so that later on aku boleh kata aku tau pasal dia yg ngaku, bukan pasal aku dpt check sendiri.
1. Sejak 4 bulan lepas, CC balance ada reduce tak? Ada cut down spending tak? Mula diam je, aku kata I take it as a 'yes' dan dia kata ya. Aku cakap la brp byk RIBA dia dok byr bulan2, x kira la walaupun utk tujuan baik mcm utk mak dia ke, anak kami atau aku sendiri ke.
2. Ada ambik cash advance tak baru2 ni? Ni tandanya dah desperate aku kata... Sama mcm tadi, diam, pastu ya.
3. Zakat tahun lepas cukup tak? Dia kata apa hal lak aku nak nyibuk pasal zakat dia, itu antara dia dgn Tuhan... Ada ka jawab camtu? Aku kata kalau dia nak aku share duit, boleh... tp dosa aku taknak share. Aku kata zakat tu WAJIB, rukun ISLAM. Tanggungjawab aku sbg suami ialah keluarga kena at least tunaikan RUKUN ISLAM dulu. Aku kata, kalau dia x jawab, maknanya x cukup la tu... dia x bantah pun.
Pastu aku suruh dia masuk AKPK... aku citer la apa yg aku find out dr briefing hari tu, dgn citer BIL dan ofismate aku. Dgn cara ni, dia boleh reduce monthly pymt by 50% or more. So, byk spare cash utk belanja dan tolong family nanti. Dia kata dia akan consider, tapi aku tau tu pasal nak aku senyap jer. Seblm ni pun, bila cakap pasal berjimat ni, sama jer. Dia kata ok, tapi pastu mcm takde apa2 jer.
Aku cakap isu utama sekrg ni 3 benda je - CC charges yg tinggi (dan yg riba - HARAM), hutang makin naik bukan turun, dan zakat yg tak cukup pasal habih byr hutang jer.
Sepanjang masa bercakap/gaduh tu, dia nak call SIL/MIL, aku ambik phone dari dia, sambung lagi - aku cakap, dia pekik. Hentak2 nya meja sampai tumpah air dlm gelas... nasib baik gelas tu x terbang lak  . Ntah brp kali la mintak aku lepaskan dia, ceraikan dia. Aku kata aku taknak, ini tanggungjawab aku. Takleh nak lepas tgn camtu je (aku tau aku patut cakap aku masih syg kan dia). Masa nak kawin suruh aku didik dia, kata nak masuk syurga sama2, ni la yg aku buat nih! Dia kata nak tuntut fasakh, tp aku kata apa kes dia? Sapa yg tengking sapa? Mana ada aku abaikan tanggungan, mana ada pukul sikit pun. Dia nak buat camtu, aku kata dia yg nusyuz!
Masa dia gi toilet, aku ambik semua CC dia, tinggal satu Islamic je dlm purse dia. Kunci umah dia pun aku ambik (apasal aku buat ni aku pun x tau - ni citer pagi esoknya). Pastu aku gi tidur guest room, dia sambung keje.
Ok... ni citer mlm tadi... pagi esoknya tu... nantila aku sambung. Sakit kepala dah ni... Baru balik kedai mamak bincang dgn BIL aku. At the moment, dia tido umah MIL.
Lagipun, malas nak debat pasal apa yg dah lepas, apa yg aku sepatutnya buat atau tak buat, apa silap dlm tindakan2 aku... aku nak move forward aje la. |
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...ohhhh...come on...thats not fair!!...sex is one of our very basic needs besides air...sunlight and water...and it is also one of the many methods of problem solving...
...so...good for him not t ...
blackmore Post at 17-3-2010 21:59
Errr... thanks Black... anyway, it's ok. Aku paham which angle leo is coming from... I'll take it light-heartedly... |
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i think ur wife is right. hutang dier, biarla dier yg setel.
hutang dier ada susahkan ko ker? u still can bring foods to the table kan? sbb itu tanggungjawab ko.
condition ur wife nie ibarat retak menanti belah. sket haribulan, terkehel sket ajek....masuk black list lah tue.
if i were you, first, i will safeguard my name tadek co-loan aper2 dgn dier. so, kalau dier kena blacklist, its only her & her.....ku tak terlibat. but, kalau both of u dah terlibat...haiyaa...mmg ko kena campor tgn to clear kan ur name. but, kalau hutang2 tue sumer hak milik peribadi dier, like she's rightly say...hutang dier, biar dier setel...so, let her be.
some ppl, only learn thru the hardest way..... |
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Post time 15-3-2010 04:34 PM
Author
